The woman in front of me had approximately 40 items splayed all over the conveyor belt, which bugged me. But I didn’t say anything. Then, as the woman was bagging her groceries, she asked the cashier why there wasn’t an employee there bagging her groceries.

The cashier responded that it’s an express lane, and the sackers work at the regular lanes.

The shopper, a bit flustered, then said, “I didn’t know that.”

Bullshit.

First of all, there’s a large sign proclaiming “Express Lane,” and specifying the details thereof. On this sign, the letters and background are in contrasting colors, and the text is printed in block letters in the English language. The sign is suspended directly above the entrance to the lane. Furthermore, it’s positioned in such a way that you can’t see the light indicating the lane is open without having the sign directly in your field of vision.

Secondly, this store is configured like virtually every other grocery store in the English-speaking world. The first two or three lanes are always express lanes.

The cashier started to say something, and the woman cut her off: “Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me.”

Now, I have a working knowledge of human nature. I understand that all people — myself included — have an inclination to duck responsibility for their mistakes. No one likes to think they’ve failed, so people shift the blame. I understand that. But this woman didn’t blame circumstances, or society, or something else out of her control. She blamed an innocent person for her wrong action. And that pissed me off. I had to say something, so I did.

“No, she shouldn’t have told you,” I said. I turned and pointed to the sign above the register, a sign you can’t miss, even if you’re a stupid, inconsiderate boor.

“There’s a big sign right there. It says ‘15 items or fewer’ in 8-inch letters. You can’t miss it.”

The woman quickly, but not quickly enough, bagged her groceries and left in a huff. I paid for my purchase and the cashier gave me a smile. Made my day.

Okay, dude, if she agreed to that, she’s already had a threesome. And you weren’t in it.

…On a Jane!

…On a Pane!

…In the Rain!

…On a Lane!

…On a Mane!

Might be ‘offensive’ to 7th-century Islamofascist savages.

A five-year-old girl’s passport application was rejected because her photograph showed her bare shoulders.

Hannah Edwards’s mother, Jane, was told that the exposed skin might be considered offensive in a Muslim country.

This is the real threat from Muslim extremists. I’m not really worried that they’ll conquer the free world by force and chop off our leaders’ heads. Instead, they’ll capitalize on our fear of offending anyone, back that up with subtle threats at violence, and gradually erode our liberties in the name of “sensitivity.”

Screw that. Got any bare-shoulder pics? Send ‘em my way, and I’ll put up a montage here and at Lone Star Times.

Angelina sez: “Up yours, savages!”

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Southwest Airlines will test assigning seats to travelers, another indication the maverick carrier may get in line with other U.S. airlines by junking its first-come, first-served seating system.

Passengers will be assigned seats on about 200 flights from San Diego starting July 10 and continuing for several weeks, an airline spokesman said on Tuesday.

The airline wants to know if assigning seats will slow Southwest’s ability to unload incoming planes and board passengers for the next flight.

Yes, you dumbasses, it will.

[Hat-tip: Loren Steffy]

fuck you

Now, now, Thomas, that’s not very nice. Do you use that kind of language with your coworkers at WorleyParsons?

UPDATE: It just occurs to me that Thomas is the same guy who chided me about my water heater a while back. He was deeply concerned that without proper exhaust, my ELECTRIC water heater would produce “termendous amounts of carbon dioxide.”

I am not a citizen, national or resident of, and am not under the control of, the government of any country to which the United States has prohibited export of technical information, such as (as of 6/15/01): Cuba, Iran, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Sudan, or Syria.

I will not download or otherwise export or re-export the software, directly or indirectly, to the above-prohibited countries nor to citizens, national or residents of those countries.

I am not listed on the United States Department of Treasury list of Specially Designated Nationals, Specially Designated Terrorists, and Specially Designated Narcotics Traffickers, nor am I listed on the United States Department of Commerce Table of Denial Orders.

I will not download or otherwise export or re-export the software, directly or indirectly, to persons on the above-mentioned lists.

I will not use the software for, and will not allow the software to be used for, any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, for the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons of mass destruction.

Uh, okay. I know the company is just legally covering its ass on this one, but this step is just stupid, insofar as it’s intended to stop nefarious activities. I cant imagine that Mohammed al-Nutcase is getting ready to work on some nuke blueprints, when he reads this warning and gives up.

It’s also a pain in the ass for me, Law Abiding Citizen, because in order to answer affirmatively and honestly, I have to look at the Treasury Department’s Specially Designated Nationals list. And good luck finding the other lists.

Dumbasses.

Republican Gov. Mitt Romney was introduced as head of a state run by the “KKK … the Kerry, Kennedy Klan” before a speech Thursday in Washington, words that sparked criticism from Massachusetts Democrats and a rebuke from Romney himself.”It’s not appropriate to joke about the Ku Klux Klan,” Romney said in a phone interview from Washington after his luncheon address to the Federalist Society.

Romney branded the remarks “ill-advised” and “inappropriate.”

Romney laughed along with the audience, The Boston Globe reported in a story for Friday’s edition, and thanked the speaker for “a very generous introduction.”

State Democratic Party chairman Phil Johnston, who has criticized Romney for making Massachusetts the butt of jokes as a liberal bastion during his out-of-state travel as he considers a run for president, said he was outraged that Romney could find any humor in the remarks referring to Sens. Edward Kennedy and John Kerry invoking the KKK.

Johnston is absolutely right. How dare this guy compare Massachusetts Democrats to the KKK? That dubious distinction goes to a certain West Virginia Democrat:

“Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds.”

–Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.)

CNN’s Carol Linn is an idiotShe described the two Muslim teenagers whose accidental electrocution Oct. 27th ignited the rioting in France as “African-Americans.”

“It’s been 11 days since two African-American teenagers were killed, electrocuted during a police chase, which prompted all of this.”–CNN anchorman Carol Lin, Nov. 6

Note to CNN: Words mean things. Write that down.

A psychiatric hospital in Quebec has initiated a program to facilitate patient’s sexual relations, by providing them with private rooms equipped with beds, television, and on-demand pornographic videos and magazines.

LifeSiteNews.com spoke with University of Laval-associated Centre Hospitalier Robert-Giffard’s director of communications, Catherine Lassard, who confirmed the program, emphasizing it was a hospital-initiated measure.

The trial run will allow 60 patients access to the program and if successful, be made available to all 700 residents in six months time.

Nicole-Gagnon, the hospital’s ombudswoman and the person responsible for the program, told the Toronto Sun that “By facilitating patients’ sexual relations, we want to make sex a positive rather than a negative experience.”

Yeah, free on-demand porn and sex with fellow crazy people. That oughta cure ‘em.

[Hat-tip: Relapsed Catholic]

This is Denny Hastert and welcome to my blog. This is new to me. I can’t say I’m much of a techie.

You’re kidding. Hastert goes on to attack those EEEVIL oil companies who dare to charge us $2.55 for an explosive product that’s extracted from a two-mile-deep hole in a politically unstable country, shipped halfway around the world, taxed exorbitantly and run through a heavily regulated billion-dollar refinery:

Speaking of the Hurricane season, renewed attention has been brought to the way we refine gasoline in this country. Today, energy companies started reporting their 3rd quarter earnings, and while Americans paying were record prices at the pump, energy companies were making record profits.

This is America. And Republicans don’t believe in punishing success.

You know what’s coming next. The “But…” Monkey:

But what are these oil companies doing to bring down the cost of oil and natural gas?

Hastert, you’re a Republican. Try rewording that statement with other commodities.

• “But what are these farmers doing to bring down the cost of sugar?”
• “But what are these lumber mills doing to bring down the cost of two-by-fours?”
• “But what are these gold miners doing to bring down the cost of gold?”

The speaker ends by threatening promising to send us more pearls of wisdom:

I’m going to keep updating this from time to time. It’s not that bad.

Trust me, Denny, it was a lot worse from this end.

Daniel Craig will have a problem playing the new James Bond – because he hates guns.

The actor will wield 007’s famous Walther PPK in the movie Casino Royale.

But he revealed in OK! magazine: “I hate handguns. Handguns are used to shoot people and as long as they are around, people will shoot each other.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only stupid thing to appear in this story. You see, the reporter is also a complete moron:

Nor does the 37-year-old share Bond’s love of Martinis shaken and stirred.

Congratulations, Evening Standard. You just screwed up one of the most famous lines in cinematic history:

Shaken, not stirred.

NOT stirred! NOT STIRRED!! By the way, Bond-style martinis are good for you. Take two and call me in the morning.

Spike Lee: “Exactly. It’s not far-fetched. And also I would like to say it’s not necessarily blow it up. But, the residents of that ward, they believe it, there was a Hurricane Betsy in ‘65, the same that happened where a choice had to be made, one neighborhood got to save another neighborhood and flood another ‘hood, flood another neighborhood.

Lee: “Let me ask you a question: Do you think that election in 2000 was fair? You don’t think that was rigged?” [audience applause]

Martin: “It’s not a question of not being fair, it’s a question of-”

Lee: “If they can rig an election, they can do anything!”

When asked about the levee conspiracy theory, which apparently has gained credence among some New Orleans blacks, Mr. Lee said that “it’s not too far-fetched to think that, look, we got a bunch of poor black people here. We got to save these other neighborhoods. What we got to do, dump this in this ward, boom. I believe it.”

And when interviewer Daryn Kagan asked whether Mr. Lee really believed that theory, the director replied: “I don’t put anything past the United States government.”

Then again, what do you expect from a Knicks fan?

Oklahoma’s Adrian Peterson’s ailing right ankle is improving, and he should be ready to go this week against Iowa State.

Oklahoma plays Nebraska this week (and doesn’t play Iowa State at all this season). Iowa State plays Texas A&M.

Houston is the largest city in Big 12 territory, and its only major newspaper screwed up the schedules for a third of the conference. Nice work, Chron.

[Hat-tip: Ashley the Aggie]

The omens going into this series couldn’t be more promising. The winning game against the Braves put the team on the front page of The New York Times and won Houston a new legion of believers around the country.

That’s an omen? I didn’t get the memo about this, but apparently the New York Times — instead of telling us what happened yesterday — is now an all-seeing oracle.

The 18-inning affair displayed the strengths that have allowed the Astros to rise from a 15-30 grave in May to become October contenders for baseball’s world championship.

Guess who etched the tombstone on that grave.

Lance Berkman, slowed by a pulled muscle, reached deep and found the swing that sent a grand slam over the left field wall when the team was down 6-1.

Knee surgery, guys.

It also doesn’t hurt to have three of the league’s strongest starting pitchers in Clemens, Roy Oswalt and Andy Pettite, tonight’s starter.

Does it hurt to spell Andy Pettitte’s name correctly?

In an otherwise uninspiring sports fall…

Maybe if these guys would peel themselves away from the New York Times front page once in a while, they’d notice that the Texas Longhorns are doing pretty well, two other Texas teams are in the Top 25, and the Rockets beat Philly to start the preseason.

Chron editors, stick to things you know about. Like international diplomacy, leftovers and plagiarism.

One gas station manager’s mistake paid off for Lincoln drivers who were in the right place at the right time Friday. 

For 30 to 45 minutes, three of the Kabredlo’s Convenience Store’s four pumps sold premium unleaded gas for 29 cents a gallon.

Gas hasn’t been that cheap since 1955, according to AAA Nebraska.

What would The Donald do?

In the nuclear non-proliferation regime, it is the IAEA which controls that nuclear energy is not misused for military purposes, and the Director General has stood out as an unafraid advocate of new measures to strengthen that regime.

Okay. Let’s see how ol’ Mohamed is doing. He assumed his post in 1997. Here are a few highlights during his tenure:

• May 1998: Pakistan and India each successfully test nuclear weapons.
• October 2002: North Korea acknowledges its nuclear program.
• December 2002: North Korea kicks out international inspectors.
• January 2003: North Korea withdraws from Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.
• June 2003: El-Baradei declares that Iran has failed to report nuclear activities, but does not declare a breach of the Non-Proliferation Treaty.
• August 2003: North Korea and Iran agree to jointly develop long-range ballistic missiles.
• June 2004: Iranian foreign minister Kamal Kharrazi says “Iran has a high technical capability and has to be recognised by the international community as a member of the nuclear club.”
• July 2004: Iran breaks IAEA seals on uranium-enriching equipment and gets back to work.
• February 2005: North Korea announces it has the bomb.

Good work, Mohamed. I quote Gordon Gekko in Wall Street:

“If this guy owned a funeral parlor, no one would die!”