May 30, 2006

PayPal via SMS

I can’t believe I missed this in my post about useful phone numbers, but PayPal lets you send money via cell phone. Quoth Lifehacker:

To start sending money from your phone, log into PayPal and associate your mobile phone number with your account. I know. I hate giving away my phone number too, but PayPal’s already got my bank information, so that makes the voice digits seem like less of an issue. Once you enter your cell phone number in your PayPal account and set up a mobile PIN (separate from your account password), PayPal’s voice robot calls your phone on the spot and asks you to verify the PIN. Once the PIN’s matched, your phone is PayPal-enabled.

Then, to send someone else’s phone $5.50 in cash, text message PAYPAL (729725) the message send 5.50 to 7185551212 where the recipient’s phone number is (718) 555-1212.

PayPal doesn’t exactly advertise this (it’s buried in their help pages), but you can PayPal someone’s email address from your mobile, too. Just make your text message send 5 to editor@lifehacker.com instead.

The cool factor is pretty good, but I could see myself using this on the run, for splitting checks and things like that. Check it out.


How to take care of your customers

Pay attention, businessperson! I’m about to share a story of good customer service, and how you too can keep your customers from spending their hard-earned money at that piker’s store down the street.

A few days ago, I skipped down to my local McDonald’s hamburgery and bought an Asian Salad from the drive-thru. The salad comes with a little packet of sliced almonds, which provide a nice contract in flavor and texture to the greens and sweet dressing.

At least, they’re supposed to. I don’t know what these almonds tasted like, because when I opened the packet, I found the nuts covered in blue-green mold. I don’t mean a few spores here and there. This was a fully-functioning mold city.

I didn’t have time to deal with it then, so I just threw out the almonds, checked the rest of my salad for rot, and munched away. Eventually I called McDonald’s corporate headquarters and talked to a very helpful young guy who took my complaint and promised to forward my concerns to the franchisee. Okay, whatever. At least I bitched to someone.
To my pleasant suprise, I got a call Friday morning from the restaurant’s owner, a woman whose name eludes me at the moment. She was very apologetic and seemed genuinely interested in my complaint. She was pretty embarrassed that there would be problems with such a high-profile, much-ballyhooed product, and she pledged to investigate the matter.

She even offered to send me some gift certificates so I can come back in for free (hopefully) non-fungus-riddled food. I haven’t gotten them yet, but I figure it’ll be five bucks. Fine by me.
I am now once again a satisfied customer, and I’ll gladly go back to that McDonald’s, because that business proved it wants my patronage.


May 15, 2006

Borracho con el presidente

The president will outline his horrible, poorly-thought-out immigration policy this evening, and I’m gonna need a drink or nine. With that in mind, I give you the Open Border Drinking Game!

Directions:
For each time the president mentions the following words or phrases do the following…

- Welcome- Salt Glasses
- Welcoming Society- Swig from “XX” Drink!
- Jobs Americans won’t do- down one “XX” Drink!
- Nation of immigrants- Tequila shots Drink!
- Family values don’t stop at the Rio Grande- Drink, Si?
- Good-hearted people- Bottle of “XX” Drink!
- Path to citizenship- Beer bongs! Drink!
- Vicente Fox- Beer bong! One “XX” Drink, Si?
- The distinguished senator from Massachusetts- Chew tequila worm, Swallow!
- This is not amnesty- Naked pyramid,… tequila, chug!

I’ll watch the speech tonight and report back tomorrow morning at some point. Buena suerte, gringos!


May 2, 2006

Germ warfare attack hits Mattsapundit

The other day, I opened the door of Mattsapundit Central Command to find a package:

closed box
Uh…

Everything about this box screamed “DO NOT OPEN ME,” from the recycled label to the return address:

label
AHHH!

All of a sudden, I was struck with panic, thinking of all the times I’ve ripped on the Chronicle. Did James Howard Gibbons finally snap? Is it a horse’s head from Cragg Hines? Did Jeff Cohen ship himself to my front door?

Against my better judgement, I carefully opened the box:

open box
Eh?

To my horror, I discovered a terribly contagious virus capable of crippling even the toughest immune system:

germ
Aww!

Yup, it’s a stuffed rhinovirus from GiantMicrobes, and it’s cute as a button. It turns out my brazen attacker is none other than Chron medical writer Leigh Hopper, who awarded the pathogen as part of her bird flu bumper sticker contest.

Thanks, Leigh!


April 7, 2006

They’re everywhere

Squarebottsdot

This post is dedicated to a ubiquitous but unsung hero of modern transportation infrastructure: the raised pavement marker, or “dot.”

These markers — known in California as “Botts’ dots” after their inventor — are those ubiquitous round or square lumps used as lane markers on roadways all across the Fruited Plain. At first glance, they’re pretty simple. But this apparently simplicity belies a lot of engineering prowess.

Construction

First of all, what are they made of? Well, they come in multiple shapes, and are made of different materials. For an up-close-and-personal look at these little guys, I spoke to Ken Dinning of Professional Pavement Products in Houston, who was gracious enough to tell me everything there is to know about raised pavement markers.

City streets tend to use simple round buttons, measuring 4″ across, like this:

dscn2068

It’s basically just a dome-shaped lump of fired ceramic clay, painted with nonreflective paint and then glazed. It’s 4″ in diameter and 3/4″ thick. The bottom isn’t painted, and has ridges molded into it, giving it a larger surface area for adhesion to the road, which is accomplished using a bituminous glue. (More on that later.) That’s the basic, no-frills marker.

Now we come to the real star of the show, the Class R Raised Retroreflective Pavement Marker. Avery Dennison is the largest manufacturer of Class B dots, but this model is a Glowlite 987, made by the friendly Communists at the Chongqing Universal Pavement Marker Company:

DSCN2069
DSCN2070

As you can see, the construction of a Class B dot is a lot different. It’s a hard ABS plastic shell, filled with a material kinda like concrete. It measures 4″ square and weighs 8 oz. It has a trapezoidal cross-section with a reflector on at least one of the two sloped faces. The reflector, angled at 30° for maximum visibility, exhibits a property called retroreflectivity, meaning all the light shone into the reflector reflects back directly to the source of the light, not in some other direction. No matter what angle you look at the thing, you’ll see the same bright reflection.

Because this type of dot has multiple parts, the colors can be customized in all sorts of ways. The shells come in yellow, white, blue, red and green. The reflectors come in the same colors, and one dot can have two different-colored reflectors. Each color combination has a different application.

For a centerline on a two-way street, the typical dot is a yellow shell with two yellow reflectors. For a lane or shoulder marker, it’s a white shell with a white reflector. But for one-way streets, the lane markers use multiple colors. If you’re driving down a one-way street, you’ll see white reflectors. But the back side — the side you’ll see in the rear-view mirror — has a red reflector, serving as a “wrong way” warning to dumbasses.

Every so often, you’ll see a stray blue dot stuck in the middle of a lane all by its lonesome, with a blue reflector in each direction. This little guy is a silent sentinel of public safety, marking the location of a fire hydrant.

Cost

According to Ken, a typical Class B dot costs about $2 when bought in bulk. But as any Home Depot shopper will tell you, the material price is meaningless. They get you on the labor and adhesives, and the same thing is true with the dot business. The “all-in” price of a dot — including the dot itself, adhesive and installation — is about five bucks.

Installation

Now that you know what the dots are and how much they cost, it’s time to stick ‘em to the road. Highway department use either epoxy or bituminous adhesive, which is similar to roof tar. Texas uses bituminous adhesive, and the specifications for this stuff are pretty demanding. The same adhesive is used for concrete and asphalt roads, and can be applied when the temperature of the road is anywhere from 40°F to 160°F. It has to withstand 200°F temperatures without softening. Dots are not afraid of global warming.

This means you have to heat the stuff to very high temperatures in order to apply it. The adhesive comes in 50-pound and 60-pound blocks, which are fed into a machine that heats it up to around 400°F. The machine crawls along the road and squirts gobs of adhesive at the right intervals. Workers then apply the dots by hand or machine, wiping the reflector lenses with paint-thinner to remove any wayward adhesive. Dots aren’t applied over expansion joints. Florida’s specifications mandate that no more than 2 percent of the dots should come loose or misaligned in the first 45 days of traffic exposure.

Testing

Dots are subjected to a battery of tests that boggles the mind. In California, they’re tested for identification and workmanship, bond strength, glaze thickness, hardness, directional reflectance, index of yellowness, color, autoclave, strength by compressive force and water absorption.

These tests are quite thorough and quite destructive. The dots are examined, manhandled, pulled with machines, shattered with hammers, dipped in hydroflouric acid, baked in ovens, immersed in water, scuffed with steel wool and crushed with 5,000 pounds of direct force.

Only the toughest and strongest dot recruits will be permitted to stand their eternal watch in the highways and byways of the Golden State.

Use and Abuse

In addition to providing visual clues for motorists, their raised nature provides tactile and aural feedback. We’ve all drifted over the line, only to be jerked back to attentive driving by the whump-whump-whump of a sequence of dots.

However, having bumps on the road presents a problem in cold climates — snowplows routinely scrape dots right off the road. In California, standard dots are countersunk in small depressions in the road. However, this is expensive to do, and it reduces the visibility of the dots. Accordingly, manufacturers have developed “snowplowable” dots. 3M’s plowable dot looks like this:

plowable dot

These dots are set in a cast-iron fitting, flush with the roadway or a bit lower. The flat edges along the sides guide a snowplow blade safety over the reflector housing, allowing a close shave every time.

Well, that’s it. Everything you could ever want to know about dots. Thanks to Ken Dinning of Professional Pavement Products for showing me around his store.

BONUS KNOWLEDGE: I learned another interesting fact about the traffic-control business. Speed bumps — “traffic calmers” in the business — are available that will slow down a car, but not an ambulance or fire truck. They’re built just narrower than the width between the tires on an emergency vehicle. Pretty cool, huh?


March 29, 2006

Absolutely, positively

I was sending something via FedEx today, and I noticed something interesting about the carrier’s rate schedules. Thanks to the Rate Finder, I was able to find rates and transit times to send an envelope from Houston to South Bend, Ind. For the sake of discussion, I’ll make the following assumptions:

  • I drop the package off at the last possible dropoff time (8:00 p.m. for the location near me).
  • The package arrives at its destination right on the deadline.
  • The origin and destination are in the same time zone, and they’re both included in “most cities.”

Here’s the data:

fedex table1

Graph the points, and here’s what you get:

fedex graph

Look at the marginal values, and here’s what you get:

fedex table2

This is really the meat of it. Upgrading from the cheapo service to 2Day, Standard Overnight or even Priority Overnight costs a few cents for every hour of improved speed. After all, if you’re torn between 2-day and 3-day service, the package isn’t all that time-sensitive.But First Overnight costs more than $16 per hour of improvement over its cheaper brother, Priority Overnight. I wouldn’t think there are too many situations where 10:30 a.m. isn’t fast enough, but 8:30 a.m. is.

That said, if you’re in one of those situations, it really “absolutely, positively has to get there” first thing in the morning. FedEx knows that in that kind of right-down-to-the-wire, pressure-cooker situation, people will pay. A lot.


March 28, 2006

Flying the Company Plane, gratis

I’ve said this before, but I love Southwest Airlines. It’s an amazingly successful company in an industry loaded with money-losing, flight-cancelling, bankruptcy-declaring, customer-pissing-off dinosaurs. I don’t fly a whole lot — maybe four roundtrips a year — but I always try to fly Southwest. It’s faster, cheaper and safer than pretty much any airline out there. Hotter stewardesses, too.

That’s why I was happy to download Southwest’s “Ding” application. It’s a small app that sits in the system tray, displaying the familiar striped 737 tail. Whenever Southwest has a sale or other promotion, it plays a “Ding” sound effect, and I hurriedly click on the icon to see where I can go. Everytime, memories of Caesars flash through my mind.

Here’s what makes it even better. Southwest recently changed its Rapid Rewards program so that credits are good for two years instead of one. What’s more, the company retroactively applied the change, so I’m just two flights away from a freebie. I’m heading to South Bend in a few weeks for The Observer’s 40th anniversary reunion/drinking binge. This summer, I’ll be heading to Medina, Ohio (rhymes with vagina) for Tommy’s wedding. After that, I’ll get a flight (and booze!) for free. Hell yeah.


Would you buy $100 plain khakis?

Lately I’ve been hearing more and more about Bill’s Khakis. I don’t know what could be so special — they’re just khaki pants, after all — but people love these things. Here’s the top review on Amazon:

Yep, these babies are like no other khakis you will ever own. I have two pair, one that I just got. They are the best fitting pants you can get…just make sure you order them a little bigger than your usual size. Take them to a tailor and get them properly hemmed and you will never regret it. I took my first pair to the cleaners often but I’m not going to do that with this new pair…just wash and hang to dry. They look great and will last forever. Bitchin pants!

Wow. Glenn Beck is a fan, too. The folks at Bill’s say their pants are inspired by the pants issued to GIs in World War II. I know for a fact that other designs from that era have withstood the test of time, like the brilliantly simple P-38 can opener.

Here’s the thing, though: they’re $97.50. I’ve never spent that much on a pair of pants in my 24 years on this earth. But if they’re worth it, I’ll go for it. Anyone out there have a pair of these?


January 24, 2006

That’s my cell phone number; hit me up on the low

I’m in the market for a new cell phone. I’ve been using an old phone since those wretched scumbags stole my new one, and I’m tired of it crapping out.

Any suggestions? Requirements are as follows, in descending order of importance:

  • Compatibility with the Verizon CDMA netword
  • Bright screen
  • Good battery life

In addition, the following features would be nice, but aren’t deal-breakers:

  • Speakerphone
  • Camera
  • Color front screen

By the way, the title of this post was inspired by the lyrical stylings of Mike Jones. (Who?)


November 4, 2005

Gimme gimme gimme!

Ladies and gentlemen, I just came across an amazingly great t-shirt that y’all desperately need to see buy for me:

atf1.jpg
He kinda looks like Benzion.

Here’s the text:

atf2.gif

Oh hell yes. Anyone who would like to reward my long hours, hard work and single-minded diligence on behalf of the voiceless, feel free to email me. In addition to t-shirts, I also accept alcohol, tobacco and firearms.


October 20, 2005

The greatest toothbrush in the history of civilization

For months, Tommy has been touting the benefits of his Sonicare toothbrush. I blew it off. It’s a toothbrush. How good could it be? Well, I kept hearing about how great the damn thing is. So I broke down this week and bought one.

I actually paid eighty bucks for a toothbrush. I’m pretty sure that’s more than my lifetime manual-toothbrush budget to date.

Holy crap. This toothbrush freakin’ rules. (Yes, I realize how ridiculous that sentence sounds.) Turn it on, and little microscopic sonic dwarves vibrate the bristles a million times a second, or something. It runs for two minutes and beeps every 30 seconds to let you know it’s time to switch dental quadrants. Pretty clever.

And so I’m proud to award the coveted Matthew F. Bramanti Seal of Approval to the Sonicare sonic toothbrush. Use anything else, and you might as well be brushing your teeth with a dog turd on a stick.


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