…On a Jane!

…On a Pane!

…In the Rain!

…On a Lane!

…On a Mane!

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And by far the coolest part:

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Hello everybody.  I’ve never blogged before, so I must admit that I’m a bit intimidated at the thought of having an audience.  Matt and I are watching Saving Private Ryan right now.  I guess if I’m going to write anything for a bunch of people to read, I’d like to thank everyone who ever has or is currently serving our country in the military.  You have my utmost respect and appreciation.  I admire your bravery and willingness to dedicate your lives to making life better for fellow Americans and people abroad.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope everyone is having a good memorial weekend, and please keep in mind the people this holiday was made to honor. 

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You fargin sneaky bastige! I gonna take-a your dwork, I gonna nail it to the wall! I gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder! I gonna cut off-a your arms, I’m gonna shove ‘em up your icehole! Dirty sum-o-num-batches! My own club!

Here’s the audio for that one. And of course, Moronie’s statement:

I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: “You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my fargin rights. This sum-o-num-batching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes like yourselves. Thank you very much.“

Great movie.

Death threats to the Egyptian-born actor Omar Sharif have appeared in Islamist forums on the Internet, after Sharif’s appearance as a Christian, Saint Peter, in an Italian biblical epic for television. A threatening message from user ‘bachirma1′ on one of the forums used by jihadi groups linked to al-Qaeda, reads:”In my view Omar Sharif is an infidel – enter here”. Inside it continues; “He is a crusader who offends Islam and Muslims and is applauded by the Italian people. I give you some advice, my brothers, you should kill him.”

I recommend that all appropriate Casbah-rocking action commence immediately.

Daniel Craig will have a problem playing the new James Bond – because he hates guns.

The actor will wield 007’s famous Walther PPK in the movie Casino Royale.

But he revealed in OK! magazine: “I hate handguns. Handguns are used to shoot people and as long as they are around, people will shoot each other.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only stupid thing to appear in this story. You see, the reporter is also a complete moron:

Nor does the 37-year-old share Bond’s love of Martinis shaken and stirred.

Congratulations, Evening Standard. You just screwed up one of the most famous lines in cinematic history:

Shaken, not stirred.

NOT stirred! NOT STIRRED!! By the way, Bond-style martinis are good for you. Take two and call me in the morning.

Some 20 years after public screenings of films were banned, the first cinema will open next month in ultraconservative Saudi Arabia, but showing only cartoons, a source from the firm handling the project said on Sunday.The cinema will open for women and children at a Riyadh hotel at the Eid Al Fitr feast at the end of the Muslim holy fasting month of Ramadan on November 2 or 3, said the source who requested anonymity.

I’m guessing the lineup will be heavy on Wile E. Coyote blowing stuff up, and light on Porky Pig.

Do you still remember this boxer named Rocky? Sylvester Stallone is ready to one more close-up in a role that first brought him to the spotlight in 1976. He will direct and star in Rocky VI, which probably starts filming this December in Los Angeles. 

In the film, lonely and retired boxer Rocky Balboa is back on the ring to take part in a few low-profile local fights. But then he is offered to challenge the reigning heavyweight champion, enigmatically named Mason “The Line” Dixon, and that’s where Rocky finds himself in the middle of the media frenzy.

I know what you’re thinking: “But Rocky V sucked!” And you’re absolutely right. That’s why I think this one will be much better. There’s no way Stallone will bring the Stallion out of retirement for a stinker.

It also begs the question: What’s your Rocky lineup? Clearly, “Rocky” was the best of the series, and “Rocky V” the worst. But how does the middle stack up? Here’s mine:

1. Rocky
2. Rocky IV
3. Rocky II
4. Rocky III
5. Rocky V

What do you think?

The Matrix is everywhere.