August 14, 2006

Dhimmitude hits UK post office

passport.jpg
Might be ‘offensive’ to 7th-century Islamofascist savages.

This is bullshit:

A five-year-old girl’s passport application was rejected because her photograph showed her bare shoulders.

Hannah Edwards’s mother, Jane, was told that the exposed skin might be considered offensive in a Muslim country.

This is the real threat from Muslim extremists. I’m not really worried that they’ll conquer the free world by force and chop off our leaders’ heads. Instead, they’ll capitalize on our fear of offending anyone, back that up with subtle threats at violence, and gradually erode our liberties in the name of “sensitivity.”

Screw that. Got any bare-shoulder pics? Send ‘em my way, and I’ll put up a montage here and at Lone Star Times.

angelinajolie.jpg
Angelina sez: “Up yours, savages!”


August 10, 2006

Rubber duckie, you’re the one

Props to Benzion for sending this one along. This was my very favorite Sesame Street song growing up, though I never heard it in Hebrew before:

[gv data="oiTE8G_c9fg"][/gv]


August 6, 2006

World continues to agree: I rule

Last time I checked (in April), the following countries had experienced the unbridled joy that is my blog:

world map

That distinguished list just got a bit longer. Here’s the current MattMap:

world map.gif

The most significant gains were in poor, less-developed regions, like South America, sub-Saharan Africa, Eastern Europe and Detroit. Readership in Scandinavia and the Middle East grew nicely as well.

The inevitable spread continues…


July 14, 2006

A couple Bush mashups

[gv data="4kKN92DASn0"][/gv]

[gv data="Orp9qCaj8Bw"][/gv]


June 8, 2006

I’m Buddy Rich when I fly off the handle

Props to Allah at Hot Air for this one:

[gv data="4gbaZfXhy1Q"][/gv]


June 1, 2006

How do you say “kiss my ass” in Hebrew?

I just got the following unsolicited email written in Hebrew. I guess spam is Kosher now:

כמה זה עלה?

  • מחיר שיחה לנייד של רשת מירס. זהו.

התחייבויות, חוזים?

  • לא! תתקשר מכל קוו (גם טלפון שקלים, וגם טלקארד שבחוץ),
    מתי שבא לך, כמה שבא לך, ללא התחייבות, ובלי הרשמה.

הטלפון שלי בבית חסום לשיחות לחו”ל, מה עושים?

  • מתקשרים, ×–×” לא חסום לשיחות למירס.

ומה יופיע בחשבון חודשי?

  • החיוב מופיעה כחלק מהחיובים של חברות סלולאר (מירס).

ולאן אפשר להתקשר?

I’ll task the Mattsapundit Semitic Languages Directorate on this immediately.


May 2, 2006

Semi-literate terror sympathizer weighs in

Back in February, I posted the infamous Mohammed cartoons. Well, that didn’t sit too well with some folks. The following comment just arrived in the Mattsapundit Central Receiving Depot from a Houston-based commenterr called “TheMuslimBro”:

You narrow minded fools have no repect for beauty. I must say, what my brothers are doing is wrong, but they have their reasons. Only those with an I.Q. above 60 would understand that it hurts, and just because some mulsims are terrorists, doesn’t mean all are. And about the literacy thing, life whil you can retard, I own a 1,000,000+ house in American, and we’re taking your jobs. Pray to Allah for forgiveness, and he will surely forgive you.

Okay, I’d better tackle this one one point at a time. Here goes:

You narrow minded fools have no repect for beauty.

Bro, my culture doesn’t destroy ancient religious artworks, cover every trace of femininity, or threaten actors for making TV movies.

I must say, what my brothers are doing is wrong, but they have their reasons.

So? Merely having a motive doesn’t justify anything. Like Pat Green says, we’ve all got our reasons.

Only those with an I.Q. above 60 would understand that it hurts

What hurts?

and just because some mulsims are terrorists, doesn’t mean all are.

I never said they are.

And about the literacy thing, life whil you can retard,

I assume you mean “laugh while you can.” I assure you, I’m laughing my ass off.

I own a 1,000,000+ house in American, and we’re taking your jobs.

Bro, you’ll never make those mortgage payments if you take my job.

Pray to Allah for forgiveness, and he will surely forgive you.

I suppose. But my beef isn’t with Allah. It’s with some of his more whacked-out followers:


April 28, 2006

Hackers cripple major conservative blogs

So much for the marketplace of ideas. This morning, web hosting company Hosting Matters was struck with a major denial-of-service attack, knocking several high-profile conservative blogs offline.

In the past, Hosting Matters has demonstrated its ability to prevent and respond to DoS attacks. Accordingly, it’s become home to a large concentration of right-thinking, high-traffic blogs, including our beloved Lone Star Times.
My RSS reader is spattered with red text, indicating sites that are unavailable. Here’s a list:

It looks like these attacks are the work of overseas hackers. So says Hosting Matters:

Well, we know who the target is, and we know where the likely source of the attack originates…and I sincerely doubt that country’s leadership has the least bit of concern for extraditing over something like this.

Michelle Malkin has more.

UPDATE (11:35 a.m.): The sites are back up. According to the Hosting Matters support forums, it looks like the attack originated from Saudi Arabia. HM personnel won’t release the name of the site targeted by the Islamofascist hackers, but Michelle says it’s Aaron’s CC, which is still down.

UPDATE (11:52 a.m.): Here’s my response at LST.


April 14, 2006

World agrees: I rule

I was poring over the server logs the other day, and was pleasantly surprised to see the number of hits Mattsapundit gets from abroad. So I threw ‘em on a map:

world map
The most claring hole, of course, is sub-Saharan Africa. Maybe that $100 laptop isn’t such a dumbass idea after all.

Wait, yeah it is.


February 20, 2006

Captured Qaeda docs reveal benefits package

The Army has released captured Al Qaeda documents revealing the complex administration of the global terror network, including a nice salary and benefits package for the mujahideen. First, the salary:

B- Married individuals:
1- Authorize for them a basic monthly salary of 6,500 Rupees.
2- The sum of 300 Rupees is added per child.
3- Add the sum of 700 Rupees per wife in case of multi-wives.
4- Approve a 10% annual increment of the basic salary for cost of living increase.

Pretty sweet raise structure. These guys can keep up with the property taxes on their caves. By the way, the exchange rate is about 60 Pakistani rupees to the dollar, and per capita GDP (on a purchasing power parity basis) is about $2,400. Next, travel benefits:

2- Tickets
A- The married man whose family is in his own country will be treated like a bachelor in respect to salary but will be given an air ticket home annually.

If you use your free ticket, but then hijack the plane, do you get another ticket? And how do you account for it on your income taxes? Is it income, or a reimbursed employee expense, or what? I digress. Now we come to medical care:

A- All (Al-Qa’eda) members can visit the medical staff and obtain medicine free of charge.

I don’t know if I want to be in Dr. Jihad’s waiting room, considering the Islamic world has yet to develop chairs. I’d rather go out of network:

B- In the event the treatment is unfeasible and medicine is unavailable in Al-Qa’eda warehouse, the member will be paid the costs if more than 100 Rupees, conditional the treatment takes place in Peshawar.

I’m not sure about being treated in “Al-Qa’eda warehouse,” but at least the deductible is low. But if you still can’t find good treatment, there’s also a loan policy:

The administration grants a general loan for urgent need not to exceed 10,000 Rupees. The loan is deducted from salary over one year period.

And of course, it’s interest-free in accordance with Islamic banking customs. And when the stresses of jihad take their toll, why not kick back for a little R&R?

8- Vacations:
A- For those who work in Peshawar, they are entitled for Fridays, the two holy feasts (TC: Al-Adha [during the pilgrimage month] & Al-Fatr [following the end of the month of Ramadan]), and a one month annual leave to be enjoyed at the end of the eleventh month of work, as well sick leave not to exceed 15 days annually.

Fridays off, a month vacation, and two weeks of sick leave? Wow! Pretty sweet, considering these are the rear-echelon guys. But that’s nothing compared to the real cheesecake:

B- Those working in camps and in the frontlines:
Married: Enjoys a 7 day monthly vacation.
Single: Enjoys a 5 day monthly vacation

Is that seven days per wife? The organization even has a nice severance package, but who would want to quit a job with benefits like these?

If the administration dismissed any person, at least a one-month notice should be given to the dismissed party. If the person is to be dismissed soonest possible, then he will be paid a one month additional compensation.

Wow. Those negotiators at the International Beheaders Union sure drive a hard bargain. It’s interesting to note one thing, though: as crazy as these fanatical wackos are, there’s no defined-benefit pension plan. After all, they’re crazy, not stupid.


February 4, 2006

By order of the prophet, we ban that boogie sound

Ladies and gentlemen, the image of Mohammed:

These drawings have set off flag-burning riots, attacks on diplomatic posts, and gunfire around the world.

So, it’s time for an open letter to the Muslim world:

Dear Muslim World,We thought you’d appreciate the cartoons, since your society’s literacy rate lags ours by about 35 percentage points. Should we use smoke signals to communicate?

In conclusion, knock it off.

Love,
Civilization


February 3, 2006

Courtesy of the Religion of Peace

Free speech, Islamofascist-style:


The 80s called, and they want their jacket back.

So what was the “slander?” Daring to suggest that Islam is angry and violent. Gee, where would we get that idea?

By the way, that photo wasn’t taken on some rock-strewn street in Jalalabad. It was in London.


January 30, 2006

‘So please give me some tea…’

Lately I’ve been eating sushi a lot. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t get enough sushi. That’s why I was so excited to find this video.

[gv data="JYJRG7GjcvM"][/gv]


November 16, 2005

AP issues alarmist story on detainees

Put on your Fisking caps, kids. This AP dispatch is just plain goofy:

The United States has detained more than 83,000 foreigners in the four years of the war on terror, enough to nearly fill the NFL’s largest stadium.

Split infinitive aside, what’s with that comparison? Why use a football stadium? Why not say “laid end to end, they would reach from New York to Mecca” or “Ground into a fine paste, they could pave 450 acres of parking lots?”

The number has steadily grown since the first CIA paramilitary officers touched down in Afghanistan in the fall of 2001, setting up more than 20 facilities including the “Salt Pit,” an abandoned factory outside Kabul used for CIA detention and interrogation.

What’s the matter, AP? You won’t give us the freakin’ address of the formerly-secret national security facility? And that’s just the beginning of this story, which apparently seeks to prove the monkey/typewriter hypothesis.

Some 82,400 people have been detained by the military alone in Afghanistan and Iraq, according to figures from officials in Baghdad and Washington.

Earlier, the story attributes the increase to CIA involvement. Now the reporterette is saying that the CIA is only responsible for about 600 of the 83,000 detainees. It’s likely that neither one of those explanations is correct, and they’re both symptomatic of lazy reporting and unfamiliarity with arithmetic.

The detentions and interrogations have brought complaints from Congress and human-rights groups about how the detainees – often Arab and male – are treated.

Often male and Arab? Since when do AP writers stand up for the rights of the ruling majority?

Some 82,400 people have been detained by the military alone in Afghanistan and Iraq, according to figures from officials in Baghdad and Washington. Many are freed shortly after initial questioning.To put that in context, the capacity of the Washington Redskins’ FedEx Field, the NFL’s largest, is 91,704. The second largest, Giants Stadium, holds 80,242.

To put that in further context, these guys want to blow up EVERY NFL stadium.

In Iraq, the Defense Department says 5,569 detainees have been held for more than six months, and 3,801 have been held more than a year. Some 229 have been locked up for more than two years.

I have no idea why that passage was buried deeper in the story than the capacity of Giants Stadium.

Pentagon officials say those mistreated are relatively few when the sheer numbers are considered.

Last week, Senate Armed Services Chairman John Warner, R-Va., said that more than 400 criminal investigations have been conducted and 95 military personnel have been charged with misconduct.

400 investigations out of 83,000 prisoners. That’s not “relatively few.” That’s less than one-half of one percent.

Through the CIA, a much smaller prison population is maintained secretly by the agency and friendly governments.

Was. WAS maintained secretly. Thanks, AP!

The agency consistently declines to comment.

That’s because it’s the CIA. Unlike the AP, intelligence agencies are there to protect national secrets, not spray them all over the newspapers.

Among them, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, an alleged mastermind of the 9/11 attacks.

That one isn’t even a complete sentence.


November 14, 2005

Terrorists declare intent to conquer world for Islam

At least they’re being honest:

One of the radical groups operating on the Temple Mount is Hizab Altahrir (The Islamic Liberation Party), which espouses an ideology similar to Al Qaeda. Hizab Altahrir’s network spans most Western European countries.

A senior party activist in Jerusalem, Sheikh Issam Amira, expressed this philosophy in a recent speech which he made on the Temple Mount:

“Listeners! The Moslems in Denmark make up three percent [of the population], yet constitute a threat to the future of the Danish kingdom. It’s no surprise that in Bitrab (the ancient name of Medina, a city in Arabia to which Mohammed immigrated) they were fewer than three percent of the general population, but succeeded changing the regime in Bitrab.

“It’s no surprise that our brothers in Denmark have succeeded in bringing Islam to every home in that country. Allah will grant us victory in their land to establish the [Islamic] revolution in Denmark.”

Sheikh Riyad Salah, head of the Islamic movement in Israel has also been active teaching the tenets of “Islamic revolution.”

“We are at the gates of the Islamic revolution,” he proclaims in his sermons to Arab citizens of Israel. “The global forces of evil will be eliminated from the world and the Islamic nation will remain in place in order to bring about the world Islamic revolution, with its capital, Jerusalem.”

What’s the timeframe for all this? Pretty soon:

The youth were greeted by party members who shouted, “Next year in Jerusalem, under the rule of the Islamic revolution.”

Please explain to me why these animals deserve a state.

[Hat-tip: Jihad Watch]


Gore: Warming more serious than terrorism

Al Gore recently took time out of his busy day to remind America how lucky we are that he’s not president:

“What changed in the US with hurricane Katrina was a feeling that we have entered a period of consequences and that bitter cup will be offered to us again and again until we exert our moral authority and respond appropriately,” he says. “I don’t want to diminish the threat of terrorism at all, it is extremely serious, but on a long-term global basis, global warming is the most serious problem we are facing.”

Al? You there, buddy? Pay very close attention.

Let’s assume, just for a moment, that “global warming” is real, and it is a man-made phenomenon. U.S.-style global warming looks like this:

cadillac.jpg
Yay!

Al-Qaeda-style global warming looks like this:


Boo!

Comprende?


From the ‘Glad It Wasn’t Me’ File

This just might be the most screwed-up story of the day:

Thai police are warning tourists of a new scam.Members of a Thai transvestite gang have confessed to hiding strong sedatives in their mouths and spitting them down the throats of victims during deep kissing. Then they rob the drugged tourists.

The confession came from three attractive transvestites arrested in Bangkok last week. Police say they’d robbed a Bangladeshi businessman of more than $7,300 in cash and valuables.

Police say the victim told investigators he met the transvestites in a bar and invited them all back to his apartment.

After kissing one, he said he felt dizzy and passed out. When he woke up, his cash, watch, mobile phone and notebook computer were gone.

I know I say this all the time, but apparently some people don’t listen, so I’ll say it again: DO NOT KISS YOUR THAI TRANSVESTITE HOOKER ON THE MOUTH.

BENZION ADDS– You will recall that those very words are printed at the top of Page 2 in the LoneStarTimes.com employee manual. Which is one of the many reasons we’ve been able to keep our health-care costs so low.


November 10, 2005

CNN: Muslim rioters are ‘African-American’

Jack Kelly over at Irish Pennants nails it:

CNN’s Carol Linn is an idiotShe described the two Muslim teenagers whose accidental electrocution Oct. 27th ignited the rioting in France as “African-Americans.”

“It’s been 11 days since two African-American teenagers were killed, electrocuted during a police chase, which prompted all of this.”–CNN anchorman Carol Lin, Nov. 6

Note to CNN: Words mean things. Write that down.


November 8, 2005

Canadian psych hospital promotes patient sex

Remember all those Hollywood crazies who threatened to move to Canada if Bush won re-election? Well, maybe they were on to something:

A psychiatric hospital in Quebec has initiated a program to facilitate patient’s sexual relations, by providing them with private rooms equipped with beds, television, and on-demand pornographic videos and magazines.

LifeSiteNews.com spoke with University of Laval-associated Centre Hospitalier Robert-Giffard’s director of communications, Catherine Lassard, who confirmed the program, emphasizing it was a hospital-initiated measure.

The trial run will allow 60 patients access to the program and if successful, be made available to all 700 residents in six months time.

Nicole-Gagnon, the hospital’s ombudswoman and the person responsible for the program, told the Toronto Sun that “By facilitating patients’ sexual relations, we want to make sex a positive rather than a negative experience.”

Yeah, free on-demand porn and sex with fellow crazy people. That oughta cure ‘em.

[Hat-tip: Relapsed Catholic]


China convicts 3 for printing Bibles

This is sickening:

A Chinese court on Tuesday sentenced a Protestant minister, his wife and her brother to prison terms of up to three years for illegally printing Bibles and other Christian publications, one of their lawyers said.The conviction of house church minister Cai Zhuohua, 34, and his family by the Beijing People’s Intermediate Court came days before U.S. President George W. Bush arrives for a state visit.

It’s sad what the Chinese government pushes people to:

A fourth defendant, Hu Jinyun, Xiao Gaowen’s wife, was exempted from criminal punishment on charges of “secretly storing illegal goods” because she made contributions by informing against her sister-in-law, the lawyer quoted the verdict as saying.

Here’s my favorite part, though:

The prosecutor, in the bill of indictment, accused the defendants of illegally printing 200,000 copies of the Bible which were found in Cai’s warehouse but the verdict did not mention a figure.In July, Hong Kong’s Beijing-funded Ta Kung Pao newspaper quoted Ye Xiaowen, director of the State Bureau of Religious Affairs, as saying Cai illegally printed 40 million copies of the Bible and other Christian publications.

So the guy was able to subvert the Chinese with 99.5% success. Sweet.


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