Mattsapundit » Humor

‘We got the panty-droppers!’

Matt Bramanti — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:42:38 +0000

I was coming out of the 11th Street Border Stop — a combination gas station, convenience store, check-cashing place and taqueria near MattCo Headquarters — when I was approached by a young, smiling guy carrying a laminated list. Here’s how the conversation went down:

Guy: “Hey man, what kind of cologne you wear?”

Me: “I don’t.”

Guy: “Nothing? Well, today’s the day to start!”

Me: “Nah, that’s okay.”

Guy: “Come on, man, it’s Friday and we got the panty-droppers!”

Me: (laughing and getting into my car) “Sorry, dude, not interested.”

Guy: “Put this on, you’ll wake up tomorrow with 15 kids and child support, it’s that good.”

Heh. That made my day.

Oh, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again

Matt Bramanti — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 14:44:06 +0000

Check out this video. Four dudes, eight treadmills and “Here It Goes Again” by OK Go.

[gv data="pv5zWaTEVkI"][/gv]

My coworkers are jerks…funny, though

Matt Bramanti — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 17:24:34 +0000

I got to work this morning and sat down for another fun, thrilling day at MattCo, when my officemate said to me, “Has Michael talked to you this morning?” Michael is my boss.

I said, “No, why?”

“He needs to have a word with you.”

“About what?”

“I can’t say anymore.”

Oh, shit. This isn’t going to be good. I’m racking my brain trying to think where I screwed up, and Michael walks in to my office:

“Matt, I know you’ve been under some pressure getting these reports out lately, but I found something that I think we need to talk about.”

Shit, shit, shit. What did I screw up?

“I found some things in your desk and we might need to set up a Betty Ford thing.”

Then he opens my desk drawer and retrieves the bottles vodka, rum and a champagne he had stashed there to mess with me.

Heh.

We’re expanding our office into the vacant suite next door. Apparently, Michael was in there this morning trying to figure out the layout of the new offices, and just found all this booze under the kitchen sink in there. I think it’s a good omen.

A couple Bush mashups

Matt Bramanti — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 14:02:00 +0000

[gv data="4kKN92DASn0"][/gv]

[gv data="Orp9qCaj8Bw"][/gv]

Leprechaun or Mexican?

Matt Bramanti — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 16:28:16 +0000

[gv data="r0S6dl3DdO8"][/gv]

[gv data="GUIvtVVMSeM"][/gv]

Twelve stories high, made of radiation

Matt Bramanti — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 22:18:13 +0000

This is the funniest thing I have seen this week:

[gv data="pc9y5ayeeb4][/gv]

28 Day Slater

Matt Bramanti — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 22:38:03 +0000

The continuing adventures of A.C. Slater, episodes 1-4

[gv data="vr6Y6kOo5rY"][/gv]

[gv data="BLIerua5hxc"][/gv]

[gv data="bIRCE9sWy7U"][/gv]

[gv data="8S1ScFDDXEM"][/gv]

We don’t get French benefits?

Matt Bramanti — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 22:14:09 +0000

I’ve noticed an uptick in people looking for the FedEx “Wrong” commercial. Here it is, folks:

[gv data="fCrqy5S-H_A"][/gv]

I’m gonna set it straight, this Watergate

Matt Bramanti — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 17:44:35 +0000

Per Iceman’s request, here’s the video for “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys:

[GV data="lzTxuDUfzzM"][/gv]

A C-O-P in the County of Washoe

Matt Bramanti — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 16:24:51 +0000

Reno 911 is the funniest show on television. Here’s a clip of the deputies’ “Support the Police” video:

[gv data="-0-G9U7tWTY"][/gv]

Ooh baby baby…

Matt Bramanti — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 06:43:17 +0000

Yeah, it’s another commercial with buttoned-down white dudes rocking out. Deal with it:

[gv data="fHGkjzLdNK4"][/gv]

You know the peeps want the stash

Matt Bramanti — Wed, 31 May 2006 19:23:02 +0000

I had this song stuck in my head yesterday. As MeMo pointed out, it’s Lumbajac:

[gv data="9-K7wxWm46g"][/gv]

Holy Moses

Matt Bramanti — Tue, 23 May 2006 13:17:18 +0000

Watching — and making — fake movie trailers is rapidly becoming America’s national pastime. Here’s the best one I’ve seen to date:

[gv data="CJBsyePY8zQ"][/gv]

Just let your Soul Glo

Matt Bramanti — Fri, 05 May 2006 04:52:01 +0000

You have spoken, and I have listened. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the Soul Glo commercial from Coming to America.

[gv data="RQENuTc-Tak"][/gv]

Ha

Matt Bramanti — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 22:14:19 +0000

A priest and a rabbi are having lunch, and the rabbi asks the priest if he could be promoted. Priest says “Yes, I could be elevated to bishop.”

Rabbi says, “Then what?”

Priest says, “Well, the Holy Father could make me a cardinal.”

Rabbi says, “Then what?”

Priest says, “I suppose I could be elected Pope.”

Rabbi says, “Then what?”

Priest says, “That’s as high as it goes. It’s not like I could get promoted to Messiah.”

Rabbi says, “One of our boys made it.”

Carlos Mencia’s ‘Wetback Mountain’

Matt Bramanti — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:38:53 +0000

I laughed my ass off:

[gv data="vlj7_EQVVFM"][/gv]

The highlight of my Wednesday

Matt Bramanti — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:55:04 +0000

From SportsPickle‘s “breaking news” ticker:

Duke lacrosse attorney: DNA shows accuser is a lying whore

Heh.

It’s funny because it’s true

Matt Bramanti — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:01:49 +0000

[gv data="T89y01dZc1c"][/gv]

James Montgomery Flagg is spinning in his grave

Matt Bramanti — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 16:50:55 +0000

Over at MedBlog, the Chron‘s Leigh Hopper put out a call:

The poultry industry is already trying to spin the issue. One of my colleagues said he saw TV ads that said “Avian Influenza: It’s not in your food.”

I say it’s high time we take control of the situation and lighten it up with good bumperstickers. Can you beat these, from my editor?

Can I beat those? Please. I can beat ‘em like a redheaded stepchild. Here’s my entry:

Unnecessary Censorship

Matt Bramanti — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 18:41:10 +0000

This is just plain funny.