Mattsapundit

I’m watching “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.” I always get a kick out of the scene where Tuco is about to be hanged, and the executioner is reading his convictions. His rap sheet is so long, diverse and over the top that you just have to laugh:

…wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices;  the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money and contrary to the laws of this state the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice

Heh. Soon after escaping, he finds himself in the same pickle, but with an even more colorful rap sheet:

wanted in fifteen counties of this state, the condemned standing before us…sitting before us…Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez has been found guilty by the third district circuit court of the following crimes:    Murder, assaulting a justice of the peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statuatory rape of a minor of the black race…derailing a train in order to rob the passengers, bank robbery, highway robbery, robbing an unknown number of Post Offices, breaking out of the state prison, using marked cards and loaded dice, promoting prostitution, blackmail, intention of selling fugitive slaves, and counterfeiting.   Crimes against places of high authority include burning down the courthouse and sheriff’s office in Sonora. The accused is also guilty of cattle rustling, horse thievery, supplying Indians with firearms…misrepresenting himself as a Mexican General, unlawfully drawing salarly and living allowances from the Union Army

He’s the Audie Murphy of banditos.

Here’s a very rough transcript of the movie.

Matt Bramanti | September 10, 2006 at 12:37 am
Posted to Uncategorized