Mattsapundit

It’s going to be a long night at the office, so I went to Randall’s for a Diet Pepsi and a TV dinner a few minutes ago. I approached one of the express lanes, which was clearly marked with a large sign: 15 items or fewer.

The woman in front of me had approximately 40 items splayed all over the conveyor belt, which bugged me. But I didn’t say anything. Then, as the woman was bagging her groceries, she asked the cashier why there wasn’t an employee there bagging her groceries.

The cashier responded that it’s an express lane, and the sackers work at the regular lanes.

The shopper, a bit flustered, then said, “I didn’t know that.”

Bullshit.

First of all, there’s a large sign proclaiming “Express Lane,” and specifying the details thereof. On this sign, the letters and background are in contrasting colors, and the text is printed in block letters in the English language. The sign is suspended directly above the entrance to the lane. Furthermore, it’s positioned in such a way that you can’t see the light indicating the lane is open without having the sign directly in your field of vision.

Secondly, this store is configured like virtually every other grocery store in the English-speaking world. The first two or three lanes are always express lanes.

The cashier started to say something, and the woman cut her off: “Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me.”

Now, I have a working knowledge of human nature. I understand that all people — myself included — have an inclination to duck responsibility for their mistakes. No one likes to think they’ve failed, so people shift the blame. I understand that. But this woman didn’t blame circumstances, or society, or something else out of her control. She blamed an innocent person for her wrong action. And that pissed me off. I had to say something, so I did.

“No, she shouldn’t have told you,” I said. I turned and pointed to the sign above the register, a sign you can’t miss, even if you’re a stupid, inconsiderate boor.

“There’s a big sign right there. It says ‘15 items or fewer’ in 8-inch letters. You can’t miss it.”

The woman quickly, but not quickly enough, bagged her groceries and left in a huff. I paid for my purchase and the cashier gave me a smile. Made my day.

Matt Bramanti | September 20, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Posted to Out and About, Overanalysis, Personal, Stupidity

17 comments

I now have my very own office. Four walls, a door, the whole nine yards.

One of my coworkers recently tendered his resignation, an event which freed up an office here at the palacial MattCo executive suites. Prior to this event, I had been sharing a larger office with a colleague, which was cool (I really like the guy), but it’s nice to have my own space.
The furnishings are much better. Now I’ve got a larger L-shaped desk with more surface area:

Sweet.
I also have two bookcases, a table big enough to spread out blueprints and a cushy wheeled chair that reclines startlingly far.

As far as decor goes, it can best be described as…um, basic. Speckled, nondescript carpet, off-white walls, flourescent lighting. The boss’ wife put a sort of plant on one of the bookcases. Not really a plant, though. More like a few dried sticks in a nice vase. I hung my diploma from the wall and put a picture of Diane on my desk. I’ll have to put something else on the wall, too. I’ll keep an eye out.

First things first, though. I have to go through all the crap I moved from my old desk. I managed to throw out quite a bit. The sort of thing you hang onto in case you need it, but you never do. But here’s the stuff I do need — contents of file drawers and current files:

Yikes!

Actually, it looks worse than it is. I’m going to get this all cleaned up by lunchtime. Or rather, I’ll refuse to eat lunch until it’s all cleaned up.

Matt Bramanti | September 18, 2006 at 11:14 am
Posted to Business, Personal, Photos

3 comments

I was coming out of the 11th Street Border Stop — a combination gas station, convenience store, check-cashing place and taqueria near MattCo Headquarters — when I was approached by a young, smiling guy carrying a laminated list. Here’s how the conversation went down:

Guy: “Hey man, what kind of cologne you wear?”

Me: “I don’t.”

Guy: “Nothing? Well, today’s the day to start!”

Me: “Nah, that’s okay.”

Guy: “Come on, man, it’s Friday and we got the panty-droppers!”

Me: (laughing and getting into my car) “Sorry, dude, not interested.”

Guy: “Put this on, you’ll wake up tomorrow with 15 kids and child support, it’s that good.”

Heh. That made my day.

Matt Bramanti | September 15, 2006 at 12:42 pm
Posted to Humor, Out and About, Personal

2 comments

Got my phone yesterday and got it all charged up. Works like a charm, so I’m back in modern life.

It sucked not having a phone for a couple days, but from a customer-service perspective, it was a pretty good experience. Got the phone via FedEx when I was supposed to, and it worked beautifully. Verizon’s customer service has always been really helpful, and I strongly recommend the company.

I didn’t want to re-enter all the contacts manually, so I used a little app by Verizon called Backup Assistant. It backs up contacts to a remote server over the air. Then when you get a new phone, or your phone gets wiped out, just install the Backup Assistant app and restore all the contacts. It worked great. Costs $1.99 a month, though.

I used it and then deleted it, because I’ve got better uses for two bucks a month.
If the application also backed up ringtones, photos and text messages, I’d gladly pay $2/month. Are you listening, Verizon?

Matt Bramanti | September 15, 2006 at 11:34 am
Posted to Personal, Tech

2 comments

There is a group on Facebook called “If this group reaches 100,000 my girlfriend will have a threesome.”

Okay, dude, if she agreed to that, she’s already had a threesome. And you weren’t in it.

Matt Bramanti | September 12, 2006 at 12:36 pm
Posted to Stupidity

6 comments

Check out this video. Four dudes, eight treadmills and “Here It Goes Again” by OK Go.

[gv data="pv5zWaTEVkI"][/gv]

Matt Bramanti | September 12, 2006 at 9:44 am
Posted to Humor, Music, Video

1 comment

Don’t forget: today is Monday, which means there’s another free 25-song sampler on iTunes.

Matt Bramanti | September 11, 2006 at 11:10 am
Posted to Music, Tech

No comments yet

I went to the Verizon store yesterday to see about getting a new phone. It was actually a pretty good experience. I had to wait in line longer than I would have liked, but I explained the problem, the guy looked at the phone, and offered to replace it.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have any of my model phone, so they’re shipping me one via 2nd Day Air. Pretty sweet. All I have to do is ship the crappy one back when I get the new one, and we’ll be good to go. I should get the new phone on Wednesday.

Until then, no cell phone for me. If you need to get in touch with me, drop me an email.

Matt Bramanti | September 11, 2006 at 9:18 am
Posted to Business, Out and About, Reviews, Tech

1 comment

My cell phone died yesterday. Well, it didn’t really die, but it’s critically ill and in a coma. The screen flashes on and off, I can’t receive calls, and it’s totally unresponsive.

So now I’m on the phone with “Alicia,” my helpful and friendly Indian customer-service representative. I’m telling her about my problem, and how it is entirely due to a manufacturing defect by Motorola, since the phone has not suffered any physical damage.

Now she’s putting me on hold for the moment, and the hold music is some haunting sitar stuff with a cool beat. Someone at Verizon has a sense of humor, anyway.

Back to Alicia. She’s telling me my options:

1. Remove the battery and put it back in
2. Call Verizon
3. Take it in to a service center
4. Send it in to Motorola to get fixed under warranty

Okay, thank you, Alicia. Bye-bye.

Here are the problems with those options:

1. Did not work.
2. Verizon’s reps are friendly, but not very empowered to help the customer with problems.
3. I think they’re gonna charge me an arm and a leg.
4. It’ll take two weeks, during which time I’ll either be without a phone, or using an old one which I’ll have to activate.

Damn.

Matt Bramanti | September 10, 2006 at 10:44 am
Posted to Uncategorized

1 comment

I’m watching “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.” I always get a kick out of the scene where Tuco is about to be hanged, and the executioner is reading his convictions. His rap sheet is so long, diverse and over the top that you just have to laugh:

…wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices;  the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money and contrary to the laws of this state the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice

Heh. Soon after escaping, he finds himself in the same pickle, but with an even more colorful rap sheet:

wanted in fifteen counties of this state, the condemned standing before us…sitting before us…Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez has been found guilty by the third district circuit court of the following crimes:    Murder, assaulting a justice of the peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statuatory rape of a minor of the black race…derailing a train in order to rob the passengers, bank robbery, highway robbery, robbing an unknown number of Post Offices, breaking out of the state prison, using marked cards and loaded dice, promoting prostitution, blackmail, intention of selling fugitive slaves, and counterfeiting.   Crimes against places of high authority include burning down the courthouse and sheriff’s office in Sonora. The accused is also guilty of cattle rustling, horse thievery, supplying Indians with firearms…misrepresenting himself as a Mexican General, unlawfully drawing salarly and living allowances from the Union Army

He’s the Audie Murphy of banditos.

Here’s a very rough transcript of the movie.

Matt Bramanti | September 10, 2006 at 12:37 am
Posted to Uncategorized

5 comments

St. Joseph doesn’t get a whole lot of attention, but he’s really a model of what a man should be. His story is woven into the Gospels. First, he’s a gentleman:

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit.

And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly.

He’s unwilling to associate himself with sin, but he will not embarrass a lady. Next, he remains open to the words of the Lord and he obeys those words:

But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.

“She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.”

Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet:

“BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL,” which translated means, “GOD WITH US.”

And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife, but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and he called His name Jesus.

Next, he was a law-abiding man. He lived in an occupied territory, but he respected the civil authority:

Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth.

This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria.

And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.

This proved a good example to his son, who would later say:

“Render to Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”

Joseph went to great lengths, literally, to protect his family:

So Joseph got up and took the Child and His mother while it was still night, and left for Egypt.

Next, Joseph did what was required of him by his religion:

And when the days for their purification according to the law of Moses were completed, they brought Him up to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “EVERY firstborn MALE THAT OPENS THE WOMB SHALL BE CALLED HOLY TO THE LORD”), and to offer a sacrifice according to what was said in the Law of the Lord, “A PAIR OF TURTLEDOVES OR TWO YOUNG PIGEONS.”

As a father, he kept up the family tradition with regard to his faith:

Now His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. And when He became twelve, they went up there according to the custom of the Feast;

Joseph was a carpenter, and he probably taught his son the trade. Other than that, we don’t know much about his work, but that’s sort of the point. He labored quietly, and the Gospels suggest that he was pretty unremarkable. Just another craftsman and small business owner, working to take care of his family:

They were saying, “Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How does He now say, ‘I have come down out of heaven’?”

Just an average Joe. He was tossed into situations way over his head — try raising the Son of God — but he kept plugging away, doing the best he could, with the grace of God. And he’s still hard at work in the real estate business.
I got thinking about this because of a prayer my mom sent me. I printed it out and hung it on my desk at work, and I say the prayer every day. Here it is:

Prayer to St. Joseph by Pope St. Pius X:

Glorious St. Joseph, model of all those who are devoted to labor, obtain for me the grace to work conscientiously, putting the call of duty above my natural inclinations;to work with gratitude and joy, considering it an honor to employ and develop, by means of labor, the gifts received from God, without recoiling before weariness or difficulties; to work, above all, with purity of intention, and with detachment from self, having always death before my eyes and the account which must render of time lost, of talents wasted, of good omitted, of vain complacency in success, so fatal to the work of God. All for Jesus, all for Mary, all after thy example, O Patriarch St, Joseph. Such shall be my watchword in life and death. Amen.

Amen. Back to work!

Matt Bramanti | September 7, 2006 at 4:23 pm
Posted to Personal, Religion

No comments yet

Today is Labor Day, a day when Americans celebrate the contributions of organized labor, which include the following:

• Globally uncompetitive automobiles,
• Weekly airline bankruptcies,
• Unionized millionaire baseball players, and
• the Democratic Party.

Thanks, Commies. I’m spending this Labor Day by laboring.

Matt Bramanti | September 4, 2006 at 3:01 pm
Posted to Business, Holidays, National

3 comments