My water heater crapped out yesterday, and leaked water all over the floor of my garage. Apparently, the thing was 12 years old, and was therefore living on borrowed time.

This was confirmed by the friendly people at Blackmon Mooring, who charged me $99 to tell me, “You need a new water heater,” which they would be glad to install for the low, low price of ELEVEN HUNDRED SON-OF-A-BITCHING DOLLARS. When I delicately asked “Why so much, you thieving vulture scumbags?” the guy said, “Because it’s a weekend.” The weekday price is only $800 and change.

Screw that.

I can roll down to Lowe’s and pick up a brand-new [1] 50-gallon Whirlpool electric water heater for $239 and [2] install that bad boy myself. It looks like a pretty easy job. As best I can figure out, it goes like this:

1. Shut off the water and power
2. Drain and remove the old water heater
3. Position the new one
4. Attach the water lines (this will be easy, since they’re threaded, not soldered in)
5. Attach the power wires
6. Wait
7. Bathe

So that’s today’s project. I will take pictures and post them tomorrow.