During hurricane season, I kept putting off buying supplies. The stores were nuts, and I’m just not a big fan of navigating all that crap. But today I figured now’s as a good a time as any to actualize the [1] Boy Scout Motto.

So I embarked on a Mattsapundit Emergency Management Agency trek to my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart, where I grabbed a big plastic tub, and rolled through the aisles, shoveling in items that might prove useful during the aftermath of a hurricane/flood/nuclear exchange/Detroit Pistons victory celebration.

Food:

-Spam (for optimal sodium levels)
-Fruit, canned (so I don’t get the scurvy)
-Chili (it’s still Texas, even if it’s post-apocalyptic Texas)
-Stew (just like Mama used to make, before she was vaporized)
-Peanuts, canned (high-energy salty goodness)
-Pudding, vanilla (because chocolate pudding sucks)
-Soup, chicken noodle (in case I have a post-apocalyptic cold)

Water:

-Spring, three gallons (nothing but the best)

Tools & Stuff:

-Knife
-Twine (for tying stuff)
-Rope, nylon (for field-expedient administration of justice)
-Tape, duct (for miscellaneous taping and hostage-silencing uses)
-Flashlight (for when the post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland isn’t glowing brightly)
-Batteries (I know damn well how shitty CenterPoint is, even in pre-apocalyptic situations)
-Ammunition, .22 and .40S&W (for dealing with varmints, looters and uncooperative insurance claims adjusters)
-Gasoline, five gallons (for fueling Mattsapundit Mobile Command and burning the bodies of those lucky enough to have been killed in The Incident)
-Openers, can and bottle
-Pens and paper
-Marker, Sharpie
-Camera, disposable (for filling up the post-post-apocalyptic photo album)

First Aid and Toiletries:

-Band-Aids (for boo-boos)
-Gauze (for more serious wounds)
-Bandage, ace (for the inevitable post-apocalyptic sprains and strains)
-BC Headache Powder (which cures everything)
-Pepto-Bismol (for the dystentery likely to set in since I didn’t buy enough water)
-Peroxide, hydrogen (in case my wounds don’t sting enough)
-Soap, dish (for removing tough, baked-on radioactive grease)
-Soap, people (ditto)
-Toothbrush and toothpaste (for a gleaming, minty fresh post-apocalyptic smile)
-Bleach (for…um…I really have no idea)
-Trash bags, plastic

I realize that I’ve left off some things, which I’ve listed below:

-Battery-operated radio (for listening to the post-apocalyptic Dan Patrick Show)
-Waterproof pouch for important documents
-Beer
-Tarp

I’m sure there are also things I don’t realize I need (the “unknown unknowns,” [2] as Rummy would say)

Any suggestions would be appreciated.