After being stunned and impressed with the [1] journalistic quality and [2] unimpeachable integrity of Lone Star Times, the [3] Speaker of the House of Representatives decided to take a shot at this whole [4] blogging thing:

This is Denny Hastert and welcome to my blog. This is new to me. I can’t say I’m much of a techie.

You’re kidding. Hastert goes on to attack those EEEVIL oil companies who dare to charge us $2.55 for an explosive product that’s extracted from a two-mile-deep hole in a politically unstable country, shipped halfway around the world, taxed exorbitantly and run through a heavily regulated billion-dollar refinery:

Speaking of the Hurricane season, renewed attention has been brought to the way we refine gasoline in this country. Today, energy companies started reporting their 3rd quarter earnings, and while Americans paying were record prices at the pump, energy companies were making record profits.

This is America. And Republicans don’t believe in punishing success.

You know what’s coming next. [5] The “But…” Monkey:

But what are these oil companies doing to bring down the cost of oil and natural gas?

Hastert, you’re a Republican. Try rewording that statement with other commodities.

• “But what are these farmers doing to bring down the cost of sugar?”
• “But what are these lumber mills doing to bring down the cost of two-by-fours?”
• “But what are these gold miners doing to bring down the cost of gold?”

The speaker ends by threatening promising to send us more pearls of wisdom:

I’m going to keep updating this from time to time. It’s not that bad.

Trust me, Denny, it was a lot worse from this end.