Mattsapundit

Here’s something you don’t see everyday.

No sex. That’s part of a sentence imposed on a 17-year-old girl by Texas state district judge Lauri Blake.

She’s ordered the young drug offender not have sex as long as she is living with her parents and attending school, as a condition of her probation.

It is one of several unorthodox rulings Judge Lauri Blake has imposed since she was elected 10 months ago in the district court that covers Fannin and Grayson counties.

She has also prohibited tattoos, body piercings, earrings and clothing “associated with the drug culture” for those on probation.

Good for the judge, though it’s unfortunate that she’s having to do things the parents should’ve done all along. Wait, there’s more:

Lawyers are also subject to her rulings. Blake has told female attorneys not to wear sleeveless shirts or show cleavage in her courtroom.

Forget everything I just said. This judge is a heartless monster whose warped perception of justice threatens the well-being of the state. She must be stopped.

Matt Bramanti | September 30, 2005 at 12:51 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

While New Orleans residents worked to get the Big Easy back up and running, Reuters went to the coonass man on the street:

“If they don’t get these businesses going again, the city ain’t going to have any money,” said Art Depodesta, part owner of the restaurant and bar Cooter Brown’s. “I want to be the first to open in Uptown.”

Workers busily scrubbed everything with bleach and Depodesta said he tossed away about $10,000 worth of rotten food.

“It was nasty. The oyster cooler, well, the dead bodies I saw got nothing on that oyster cooler,” he said. “The time for all the ‘woe, woe, woe is me’ business is over. It’s time to get going.”

New Orleans is going to be just fine.

Matt Bramanti | September 29, 2005 at 8:06 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

4 comments

Take down the roadblocks and call off the bloodhounds. James T. Campbell, the missing Chronicle reader representative, is alive and well. Yesterday, the following exchange ensued on Campbell’s blog, About:Chron:

Now that the hurricane is essentially over as a Houston story, do you think we could get Cohen’s answers?

Posted by: Matt Bramanti at September 28, 2005 09:46 AM

Yes, before week’s end.

Posted by: James Campbell at September 28, 2005 09:52 AM

That’s a relief.

Matt Bramanti | September 29, 2005 at 5:12 pm
Posted to Houston, Media

No comments yet

LST reader and commenter Gregg sent this one along. These guys look like trouble. Fun trouble.

Matt Bramanti | September 29, 2005 at 12:49 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

In a clear sign that the nation’s evil KKKonservative “majority” will inevitably collapse within 24 hours, House Majority Leader and spawn of the devil Tom DeLay was indicted today.

The charges range from conspiracy to cannibalism, and progressive legal activists expect DeLay to be executed by week’s end, allowing the Democratic Party to reinstitute its wildly successful social programs and foreign policy efforts.

Travis County District Attorney Ronnie Earle, a completely neutral and unbiased champion of justice, called the totally non-politically motivated indictment “a huge victory for MoveOn. I mean, for law and order.”

Matt Bramanti | September 28, 2005 at 1:31 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

It’s been great to see residents of the Gulf Coast open their hearts in generosity to their fellow citizens. Then again, you just knew some scumbag would screw it all up:

A doctor has offered to perform free abortions on hurricane evacuees, saying it may be too dangerous for them to wait until they return home.Despite protests from abortion opponents, Little Rock Family Planning clinic director Dr. Jerry Edwards said he has already performed six free abortions. The clinic usually charges between $525 and $600 for a first-trimester abortion.

“If we didn’t provide it now, they would get it later — a late-term abortion that would give greater risk to the mother’s health,” Edwards told KTHV-TV in Little Rock.

What a sweetheart. Dr. Edwards has inspired me to perform similar acts of generous violence.

Selfless, caring soul that I am, for the next week I’ll be more than happy to toss hurricane victims down flights of stairs, dropkick stranded puppies, and coldcock elderly evacuees. No charge. Don’t thank me, I’m just doing my duty.

Matt Bramanti | September 28, 2005 at 12:19 pm
Posted to National, Scumbags, Weather

No comments yet