Mattsapundit

Chris Bell, out of his supreme care for humanity, has shut down his “$25,000 by August 31″ fundraising drive, instead encouraging would-be contributors to donate to the American Red Cross:

I read the news today, oh boy. The Chris Bell for Governor campaign is calling off our online fundraising drive out of respect for the hurricane victims. Please do what you can for those who can’t do for themselves. Please do as much as you can, and then please do more. We’re taking down our fundraising thermometer and putting up the link to the Red Cross until the end of the week. 

Incredibly, a commenter on the blog seemed to think that Bell was pouring his campaign war chest into hurricane relief:

Because of your kindness, I am paying it forward by making a donation to the victims of Hurricane Katrina — victims that include friends of family of ours. God bless you, Chris, and anyone else who donates to the Red Cross. 

What kindness? Bell avoids looking tacky by soliciting political funds during a disaster, AND he can gloss over the fact that he was going to fall 10-20% short of his modest goal. It’s not like Bell is shutting down his campaign and donating surplus “Re-Elect Chris Bell to Congress” yard signs as roofing materials.

Matt Bramanti | August 31, 2005 at 8:25 am
Posted to Politics, Texas

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This sounds like something Wes and I would have done, if we’d thought of it first:

They say you can get just about anything at Wal-Mart, including arrested. Police say employees at a Wal-Mart called to report a young man was in the store on Tuesday in an orange prison jumpsuit and handcuffs, asking for a hacksaw. 

It turns out Joha Turner, 18, of Pittsburg, hadn’t escaped from anywhere. He told police it was a prank. They told him he was under arrest, for disorderly conduct.

That’s a good one.

Matt Bramanti | August 26, 2005 at 4:35 am
Posted to Bizarre, Humor

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Our beloved local transit authority has a mission statement, as follows:

METRO is an innovative regional transportation organization of dedicated employees committed to partnering with the public and private sectors to provide the safest, highest quality services and mobility solutions that exceed our customers’ expectations while creating economic growth. 

Let’s break this down:

METRO is an innovative regional transportation organization 

Recent Metro innovations include putting an electric streetcar on Main Street only a century after its invention.

of dedicated employees 

Complaints against those dedicated employees are up.

committed to partnering with the public and private sectors 

That partnership consists primarily of the public sector expropriating money and property from the private sector.

provide the safest, highest quality services 

Willingly unpoliced Metro facilities have seen crime sprees, while on-time performance slipped 2 percentage points.

and mobility solutions 

A couple weeks ago, I saw a Metro bus that had broken down on the Katy Freeway HOV lane. No big deal, that happens all the time, right?

The bus driver had run out of fuel.

that exceed our customers’ expectations 

Every time a Metro bureaucrat ties his shoes correctly, Metro succeeds in this regard.

while creating economic growth 

If a 1 percent sales tax creates economic growth, than a 600 percent sales tax will create 600 times as much economic growth, right? Houston will become so valuable that Metro won’t know where to start condemning.

Matt Bramanti | August 26, 2005 at 4:02 am
Posted to Houston, Politics, Stupidity

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Today, the Chron editorial board scolds Metro for failing Houston, but still insists on plugging the Danger Train:

Despite optimistic pro- jections [sic] of increased ridership on its bus system, Metropolitan Transit Authority officials continue to wrestle with a slump in the number of people using mass transit here and resulting declines in fare box revenues. Particularly worrisome, the successful light rail line should be pumping up those statistics with thousands of additional boardings each month, and climbing fuel costs should have made Metro more attractive to commuters.

Which is it, Chron? Is the light rail line successful, or has it failed to increase ridership?

That said, kudos to the editors for pointing out Metro’s dismal financial results:

According to a performance audit of Metro by consultants Booz Allen Hamilton Inc., passenger fare revenues plunged more than 14 percent during the last four years while operating expenses per passenger rose 35 percent.

The audit found that passenger complaints increased significantly last year. A majority concerned driver behavior.

Yikes. Those are some pretty bad numbers. So are these:

“Metro’s fare recovery ratio has been declining, and at 15 percent is low for the transit industry,” the audit report says. Rates of 25 percent or more are common among big transit systems, it says.

The report says ridership slipped 5 percent in the three years, from 100 million yearly boardings to 95 million

On-time performance fell from 86 percent to 84 percent, and passenger complaints increased from 18.5 to 20 per 100,000 boardings.

Average occupancy: 10 riders, down 10 percent

Stories like these drive me into the arms of the Cato Institute.

Matt Bramanti | August 26, 2005 at 3:40 am
Posted to Uncategorized

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This is pretty funny:

Better step it up, boys, or Chris Bell might not be able to mount a serious challenge to…HAHAHAHAHA… Sorry, I couldn’t finish that sentence with a straight face.

Matt Bramanti | August 24, 2005 at 5:05 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

43 comments

If you’ve got one available, give it to him.

Matt Bramanti | August 24, 2005 at 4:56 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

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I noticed that the current #1 consumer of fresh, hot Mattsapundit content and byproducts is…

The City of Houston?! Whiskey tango foxtrot? That can’t be right, can it?

I guess it is. Apparently one of my beloved customers, used a City IP address to visit this humble blog at some very strange times for a government employee:

Last night: 8:40 p.m. and 10:46 p.m.
Today: 12:55 a.m., 3:12 a.m., 5:19 a.m., 7:21 a.m., 9:50 a.m. and 10:16 a.m.

While it’s nice to know that the White administration can’t possibly go longer than a few hours without reading my stuff, I have to wonder: What the hell are you guys looking for? Get some sleep!

Matt Bramanti | August 24, 2005 at 2:39 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

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I made a little donation to Laurence Simon’s Blogathon campaign, held to raise money for the Cat Welfare Society of Israel in honor of Edloe, his late kittycat.

I’m not that big on cats, but there’s no sense in letting creatures suffer needlessly. Besides, if the Palestinians get hold of Israeli cats, they’ll send little Fluffy into a Sbarro in Jerusalem with a stick of dynamite up his ass.

I found an envelope on my front porch today. It was postmarked August 13, 2005 and stamped “First Class,” apparently to remind me of the stratospheric standards to which government employees aspire. The envelope bore “L. SIMON” in the return address. I opened it up, and inside was a full-page handwritten thank-you letter, accompanied by three 8.5×11 photos of Edloe, three smaller prints, a CD (autographed!) of 100 Word Stories and a “Run a Red, You’re Dead” bumper sticker.

I thought maybe I’d get a little card. I’ve gotta say, I’m pretty impressed. It’s a shame that little acts of kindness and courtesy are rare enough that their appearances merit surprise, but that’s the world, I guess. Kudos to Laurence for being a happy giver, a gracious recipient and a gentleman.

Matt Bramanti | August 22, 2005 at 11:37 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

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In the August 11 issue of the Houston Press, food critic Robb Walsh went on a weirdly partisan tirade against the Taste of Texas. Here’s a little sample:

Taste of Texas long ago slipped into the second tier. And I say this regardless of my political opinions. Edd Hendee, the restaurant’s owner, vents his hatred for Muslims, liberals and immigrants five days a week on his talk-radio show. “They must have failed Bomb Making 101 down at the mosque,” he recently quipped about the London terrorists whose bomb didn’t go off.

Hendee took over the show when the previous self-righteous far-rightist, Jon Matthews, was arrested for exposing his genitals to an 11-year-old child.

Yeah, that’s classy. David Benzion sat and steamed for a while, but posted a biting response on blogHOUSTON today. You might say he doesn’t pull any punches:

Robb Walsh is an elitist bigot, and his review of the Taste of Texas is was one of the most embarrassing examples of limousine liberalism I have ever witnessed.

I’m no fan of viewing everything through the lens of critical theory identity politics, but is it not painfully obvious how much class-prejudice and thinly veiled misogyny are evident in Walsh and his (male) dinner companion dismissing a condiment they were offered as something that “even” suburban housewives would consider passé?

Que horror, ziz iz not ayven feet for a seyboobin housewhiff!

Perhaps most intriguing is Walsh’s assertion that despite the Taste of Texas having been “showered with awards” over the course of nearly three decades in business it has somehow “long ago slipped into the second tier.”

Clearly Walsh doesn’t think very highly of the readers of his very own paper, who have seen fit to name the Taste of Texas “Best of Houston” for three of the past six years—1998, 1999, and waaaay back in 2004.

Read the whole thing.

Note to self: Never piss Benzion off.

Matt Bramanti | August 22, 2005 at 11:02 am
Posted to Uncategorized

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Less than a year after firing 10 percent of his employees, Chron publisher Jack Sweeney is again swinging the ax:

The Houston Chronicle is cutting about 7 percent of its work force as it restructures the operations and support areas of the newspaper, Publisher and President Jack Sweeney said.

In a letter to Chronicle employees released late Thursday, Sweeney outlined the changes, which include involuntary layoffs, open positions that will not be filled, and changes in the use of contract labor and use of outside services.

The restructuring will not affect the newsroom and advertising sales staff, Sweeney wrote.

Unfortunately, that last line is all too true. The Chron’s news operations will continue as if nothing happened, alienating readers and leading to more layoffs to come.

Matt Bramanti | August 19, 2005 at 12:41 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

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Diane and I went down to the Stag’s Head last night for another of Laurence’s get-togethers. It was a nice time. Got to see Russell, Kyrie, David and Laurence again, and I finally got to meet Kuff and Evil Dwight.

He’s not all that evil, really.

The star of the show, however, was Kuff’s little one. Adorable little girl.

Say it with me now: “Awwwww!”

There was also a wonderful young lady handing out little shots of Southern Comfort and Coke. Thanks, honey.

Matt Bramanti | August 19, 2005 at 10:11 am
Posted to Uncategorized

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Earlier this week, I wrote that Cindy Sheehan had gone off the deep end. I was wrong.

You see, she actually went off the deep end much earlier. Here are a few snippets from an appearance on April 27, 2005 at San Francisco State University:

“They’re a bunch of fucking hypocrites! And we need to, we just need to rise up…” Sheehan said of the Bush administration.

“If George Bush believes his rhetoric and his bullshit, that this is a war for freedom and democracy, that he is spreading freedom and democracy, does he think every person he kills makes Iraq more free?”

“The whole world is damaged. Our humanity is damaged. If he thinks that it’s so important for Iraq to have a U.S.-imposed sense of freedom and democracy, then he needs to sign up his two little party-animal girls. They need to go to this war.”

“We want our country back and, if we have to impeach everybody from George Bush down to the person who picks up dog shit in Washington, we will impeach all those people.”

But this one is my favorite:

“We are waging a nuclear war in Iraq right now.”

Just what we need. Mutant three-legged terrorists that stand 9 feet tall and glow in the dark.

Matt Bramanti | August 18, 2005 at 12:00 am
Posted to Uncategorized

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This is hilarious:

Forget waxed chests and rock-hard abs. A new survey finds ladies like their men scruffy, a wee bit chubby – and definitely not a metrosexual.

Playgirl asked 2,000 of its readers what they find sexy in a man and the answers were surprising: 42% said they thought love handles were kind of sexy and 47% approved of chest hair.

Rich playboys need not apply – only 4% of women said the size of a man’s wallet mattered.

New York matchmaker Janis Spindel, a self-described specialist at setting up “highly successful, well-educated, attractive professionals,” confirmed the survey’s findings. “It’s scary, but women don’t care [about looks],” she said. “Men are very superficial and very shallow.”

The survey also found that 96% of respondents were FREAKIN’ LIARS.

Matt Bramanti | August 17, 2005 at 11:36 am
Posted to Uncategorized

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Ladies and gentlemen, I present reasoned, legitimate political discourse from our friends on the left. This one comes from Kathleen Lees:

Lincoln screwed up when he didn’t let the south secede from the union.

Yeah, you’re right. He should’ve let the nation shatter and allowed slavery to continue. Good call.

The south was and remains the most primitive, ignorant and backward region in the country–an embarrasment to the rest of civilized America. Texas, populated by buffoons like you, is a festering boil on the ass of humanity.

So if Texas is the boil, does that make “civilized America” the ass?

So you’re going after bereaved mothers of Iraq war veterans. Your cruelty and ignorance must make you immune to any feeling of shame or pity. Your boy Bush (who,unlike Casey Sheehan, refused to fight for his country as a young man) has fixed it so the richest Americans don’t even have to pay tax, so why should Cindy Sheehan?

You might want to stick to the inflammatory wacko rhetoric, Kathleen. You’re out of your depth when it comes to the facts. Take a look at these figures and you’ll see that the top 1% of 1999 taxpayers (those would be “the richest Americans”) paid 29% of the nation’s income tax bill, and the top 10% paid 63% of all taxes.

Speaking of “performing” your duty, why isn’t your ass in Iraq instead of safe and cozy in Texas making up nasty lies about the family members of war dead????? You make me sick.

That’s a tired, stupid argument, but I’ll rebut it for about the 10,000th time.

I root for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Does that mean I’m a hypocrite unless I strap on a gold helmet every Saturday and run out of the tunnel? Nope.

Do you support curing cancer? I’m sure you do; we all do. Are you a cancer researcher? Nope, few of us are. Does that make you a hypocrite? No it doesn’t.

Are you against crime? Sure. Are you a cop, putting your life on the line, being shot at by bad guys? No, and you’re not a hypocrite for doing another job.

You get the idea. We’re free to take principled stands on issues without being immersed in the front-line prosecution of those issues.

Matt Bramanti | August 16, 2005 at 12:32 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

2 comments

Remember a while back when it surfaced that some Safe Clear drivers had criminal records?

Well I’m shocked — shocked! — to learn that the towing industry still has more than its fair share of degenerate predatory criminal scumbags:

Two women from different parts of Houston became victims of identity theft and the only common link between the cases was a towing company with the city’s Safe Clear program, the Local 2 Troubleshooters reported Monday.

Andrea Anderson broke down along Highway 59 near Collingsworth. A Safe Clear wrecker was dispatched.

A wrecker from Unified Auto Works towed Anderson’s car to Humble. She paid the bill with her check card. Several days later, Anderson checked her bank account and found more than $600 worth of unauthorized charges, along with a list of overdraft fees.

Around the time Anderson was trying to figure out who was draining her bank account, a different woman’s car broke down along Interstate 10 near Lockwood. Again, a wrecker from Unified Auto Works was dispatched as part of the Safe Clear program.

The woman talked with the Troubleshooters but asked to remain anonymous. She told them she also paid Unified with her credit card. And soon after, she also got hit with hundreds of dollars in unauthorized charges.

It’s very important to note that these were city-mandated tows. Merely by obeying the law and carrying out their duty as citizens, these woman made themselves vulnerable to thieves acting as agents and contractors of the City of Houston.

That would be like showing up to jury duty and having the bailiff slap you in the face, or having a cop shoot out your tire after he pulls you over for speeding.

Actually, that would be easier. A tire doesn’t cost 600 bucks.

Matt Bramanti | August 16, 2005 at 1:04 am
Posted to Crime, Houston, Scumbags

1 comment

Rob, of Night Hawk, wineblogging, and ceramics fame, sustained an owie:

The injury I sustained was that the tendon that attached my heel to my calf has snapped.

Yep. Ouch.

I go under the knife soon to sew it all back together.

Posting will be off for a few days, and then I have no idea what my schedule will be. The recovery time for this injury is a year. I’ll be on crutches and in a cast for a long-ass time.

Yikes. According to his Audioblogger post, it might be an outpatient surgery. Let’s hope it goes better than this, from an old Weekend Update:

Doctors at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital are hard at work developing a new operation to remove an appendix without anesthesia. The operation is exactly the same as the one with anesthesia, with one key difference – it hurts like a bastard!

Prayers go out to Rob.

Matt Bramanti | August 15, 2005 at 7:34 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

1 comment

I don’t know what’s in the water down at 801 Texas Avenue, but the Chron’s collection of blogs is rapidly expanding.

Today marks the addition of HelpLine, where Jay Lee answers computer technical support questions, KatySports, with Jeremy Rakes blogging about, well, Katy sports, and InsideKaty, with Helen Eriksen covering our neighbor to the west.

These folks will join James Campbell on the Chron, Lance Scott Walker on nightlife, Loren Steffy on business, Sara Cress and Joey Guerra on local music, John Lopez and Richard Justice on sports, Kyrie O’Connor on pop culture, Eric Berger on science, Heather Staible on shopping, Bruce Westbook on movies, and “Evil” Dwight Silverman on technology.

Welcome to the blogosphere, y’all!

All the Chron needs now is a real estate blog. Nancy, you’re killing us out here!

UPDATE: Evil Dwight points out that the two Katy blogs have been up for a couple weeks, featured in a special Katy section of the Chron’s website. Yesterday, they were added to the main blog menu.

Matt Bramanti | August 15, 2005 at 5:03 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

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It’s been a pretty good month at the office, so I thought I’d take some of my hard-earned cash and roll on down to the local armaments retailer (Carter’s Country, in this case) for some constitutionally protected cold steel.

I knew I wanted a gun chambered for the .40S&W cartridge, but that’s about all I knew. The staff at Carter’s Country were helpful and friendly, and they helped me pick this little fella:

It’s a Smith & Wesson Model SW40VE. It has a black polymer frame (polymer is just like plastic, only with a 1200% markup), a stainless steel slide and a 4-inch barrel. The clips — two were provided — hold 14 rounds each, thanks to the expiration of the assault weapons ban. But as Biggie Smalls said:

Don’t fill them clips too high
Give them bullets room to breathe

Push the magazine release, and the gun dumps the magazine on the floor as smoothly as can be, just like in the movies.

My new manifestation of the Second Amendment was packaged in a handsome blue carry case with foam padding. It also came with a Master gun lock, rendering the gun useless and inoperable to anyone without bolt cutters. The lock was “free,” by which I mean “mandated in a gajillion-dollar settlement involving one or more idiots and a battalion of ambulance chasers.”

After I picked out the gun, I was compelled by an Act of Congress to fill out a form so that Carter’s Country could check my background. Apparently, the federales are real sticklers for procedure; in the space for “Country of citizenship,” I wrote “United States,” stupidly thinking that would be sufficient. The guy handed me back the form and told me to write “of America.”

Okay.

The lady behind the counter called a number, read off my name, date of birth and all that, ran my credit card, and I walked out the door. Here’s the weird part: I felt…nervous, somehow. Conspicuous. Like I was doing something wrong. Well that’s bullshit. Kiss my ass, Sarah Brady.

Fortunately, I has also picked up 100 rounds of Winchester ammunition so I could try out my new piece and get Sarah Brady out of my mind. I headed to American Shooting Centers in George Bush Park and fired off every round I had. It’s got a tough, long trigger pull, so the gun was wiggling around far too much while I was firing it. Accordingly, I wasn’t a great shot today. I’ll have to lubricate the trigger mechanism a little and put a couple hundred more rounds through the gun, to break it in. I’ll be working on that in the next few weeks.

But hot damn, it was fun.

Matt Bramanti | August 14, 2005 at 10:54 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

1 comment

FrauBudgie over at Red Hot Cuppa Politics has a great round up of Cindy Sheehan quotes. Let’s hear Cindy talk about the American system of government:

“We have no Constitution. We’re the only country with no checks and balances…”

Wow. I didn’t know that! And here I thought we had presidential veto power, Senate approval of nominees and treaties, and judicial review of legislative actions. Boy, was I wrong.

Now a little snippet on how much she supported her son’s re-enlistment:

“I told him I would take him to Canada. I told him I would run over him with a car, anything to get him not to go to that immoral war.”

Aww, what a sweetheart! It takes a truly loving mother to crush her son beneath the wheels of the family station wagon.

There’s plenty more from FrauBudgie here and here.

Matt Bramanti | August 14, 2005 at 3:35 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

1 comment

For those of you who haven’t heard of Protest Warrior, you’re really missing out. PW is an organization that infiltrates liberal demonstrations with ridiculously-phrased signs and banners that turn liberalism on its head.

Here’s my personal favorite:

That’s good stuff.

Matt Bramanti | August 14, 2005 at 2:22 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

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