Mattsapundit

He was often called David Letterman’s favorite comic. Mitch Hedberg has died of an apparent heart attack:

Comedian Mitch Hedberg was found dead in a New Jersey hotel room Wednesday morning, according to Minnesota’s Pioneer Press. He was 37.

The cause of death has not been determined, and details concerning his death have yet to be released. The Pioneer Press reported that Hedberg’s family has been told he suffered a heart attack.

The comic — who bore an uncanny resemblance to Rush frontman Geddy Lee and once explained the reason his was not a household name was because most of his fans lived in apartments — spent much of his career straddling that fine line between cult status and relatively larger stardom.

Hedberg was known for his goofy observational humor and one-liners, like:

An escalator can never be broken; it can only become stairs.

Rice is great if you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

Imagine being killed by an arrow: “Look, there’s a dead guy! Let’s go that way…”

It was an odd sort of humor, delivered in a mellow laid-back manner that you couldn’t help but like. Hedberg’s candor and approachability endeared him to audiences, including this blogger. I saw him live three times, and I couldn’t get enough. Rest in peace, Mitch.

Matt Bramanti | March 31, 2005 at 8:08 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

An Italian news agency is reporting that Pope John Paul II’s health condition has worsened:

The Vatican did not immediately comment on the report, which said doctors had to intervene because of what was described as a “worrying” drop in the pope’s blood pressure, but a spokesman later said the Pope has a high fever because of a urinary tract infection.

The Pope is reportedly being given antibiotics for the infection.

CNN quoted an unnamed Vatican official who described the situation as serious and said the Pope had received the last rights or the sacrament of the sick, which is not necessarily an indication that John Paul is in any immediate danger of dying.

An Australian newspaper says that Vatican sources are less optimistic:

“We are on stand-by for anything,” one priest who works in an important Vatican department said.

“Hardly anyone thinks the situation will improve but everyone is hoping for a miracle,” he said.

“I know the Pope is very disappointed with the progress of his rehabilitation and would like it to be much faster,” said another source, a Vatican monsignor.

“This is a new phase in this papacy,” the source said, adding the Pope would most likely have to face what looks set to be “a permanent state of precarious health”.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the Holy Father is tough as nails. Don’t write him off just yet.

Matt Bramanti | March 31, 2005 at 3:57 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Click pic for story.

Matt Bramanti | March 31, 2005 at 12:05 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Folks, here’s an example of someone in a persistent vegetative state, with a demonstrated lack of higher cognitive function and a minimal level of consciousness. This person has been lingering in an institution for decades. While the patient may appear to communicate, we really just see primal reflexes, not evidence of brain activity. It’s just the same rudimentary moaning over and over.

I’m talking, of course, about Chronicle editorial cartoonist Clyde Peterson, aka “CP Houston.”

I beg the Chronicle’s editors: please, let this poor soul go. Pull the paycheck tube.

Matt Bramanti | March 31, 2005 at 11:25 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

John DeLorean may be dead as a beaver hat, but his cars live on in the Bayou City, thanks to a local entrepreneur:

In 1997, Stephen Wynne, then a DeLorean mechanic based in Houston, purchased the inventory. Sixty-five tractor-trailers drove the goods from Ohio. Wynne bought the rights to the DeLorean name and logo, and the original engineering drawings, and thus the DeLorean Motor Company was reinvented, with Wynne as the new president.”Half of our business comes from selling parts, and the other half comes from repairing and restoring old DeLoreans,” Espey says. He says they service 30 or 40 cars at a time in the 40,000-square-foot facility. DeLorean owners ship their cars from all over the country for work.

The Houston company has no relation to the original founder other than haggling over patent rights and forwarding media requests.

It has outgrown the reputation of its notorious predecessor, Espey says. “Ten years ago I’d pull up to a gas station and people would ask if there was coke in the trunk,” he says. He’s heard all the cocaine humor imaginable, he admits. (“Nothing sucks up the white lines on the highway like a DeLorean!”)

That last joke is pretty funny.

If any of you are interested in buying a DeLorean or restoring your old one, stop by the refurbished DeLorean Motor Company.

Mr. Fusion not included.

Matt Bramanti | March 31, 2005 at 11:07 am
Posted to Business, Houston

No comments yet

Is that a cat sleeping on your head?

Buh-bye:

Ted Koppel, who has anchored ABC News’ “Nightline” since its inception a quarter-century ago, said Thursday he will leave the network when contract expires at the end of the year.

No word yet on the professional future of his rug.

Matt Bramanti | March 31, 2005 at 10:55 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Terri Schiavo has died:

Terri Schiavo died Thursday morning around 10 a.m. EST after her parents had plead with her husband Michael Schiavo to allow them to be at their brain-damaged daughter’s bedside in her final hours, a spokesman for the family said.Schiavo died heading into her 14th day without food and water amid what could be the final legal setback for her parents after the U.S. Supreme Court refused again to hear their plea to reinsert Schiavo’s feeding tube.

Matt Bramanti | March 31, 2005 at 9:11 am
Posted to National, Uncategorized

No comments yet

We reported yesterday that the pope might need a feeding tube for nutrition. It’s in:

Pope John Paul II is getting nutrition from a tube in his nose, the Vatican said Wednesday, shortly after the frail pontiff appeared at his window in St. Peter’s Square and managed only a rasp when he tried to speak.

Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls said the step was taken to “improve the pope’s calorie intake” and so he can recover his strength. It was unclear when the tube was inserted but it was not visible when John Paul made his appearance.

The tube is not the only source of nutrition for the pope, a Vatican official said on condition of anonymity.

Please pray for the Holy Father.

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 5:51 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Someone at CBS News goofed and posted Terri Schiavo’s obituary on the last-place network’s website. The premature story characterizes Terri as a fat, naive, stupid and unsocial woman. After all, who wants to save someone like that?

Terri Schiavo was locked in battle with her own personal image as far back as anyone can tell. She was an overweight child who only gained pounds through adolescence, reaching at least 200 by her senior year of high school.

Those close friends have been telling newspapers that Terri never excelled in school. She sometimes talked about becoming a veterinarian, but got barely passing grades while in Catholic school. Her interests during school years are unclear, though she shied away from boys and parties.

Once in college, she stuck to old friends. She married the first man she ever kissed. She organized the wedding at the Catholic parish her family ha attended since her youth, Our Lady of Good Council.

Note: The CBS hack who slammed Terri’s “barely passing grades” misspelled both the name of her parish and the word “had.” The disgusting piece ends with a plug for the Schiavo family and a cheap shot at Terri’s parents:

According to friends and relatives, Michael Schiavo was Terri’s only love. His big-but-tight-knit family took in Michael’s bride, and she befriended his siblings, including his brother, Scott.

“It’s so sad they’ve turned this wonderful person into a sideshow,” Scott Schiavo told the Post. “It’s such a shame. It really is. The one that’s hurt the most here is Terri.”

Another piece of top-notch journalism from CBS News.

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 5:28 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Good afternoon, fellow Zionist pig crusaders and assorted infidel types. It’s with a heavy heart that I report some distressing news: The United States will be destroyed in 2007. Who says so?

Some Palestinian dude:

A thorough analysis of the Koran reveals that the US will cease to exist in the year 2007, according to research published by Palestinian scholar Ziad Silwadi.

The study, which has caught the attention of millions of Muslims worldwide, is based on in-depth interpretations of various verses in the Koran. It predicts that the US will be hit by a tsunami larger than that which recently struck southeast Asia.

“The tsunami waves are a minor rehearsal in comparison with what awaits the US in 2007,” the researcher concluded in his study. “The Holy Koran warns against the Omnipotent Allah’s force. A great sin will cause a huge flood in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.”

Wait a minute. The Omnipotent Allah needs to rehearse? But I digress. Back to the Palestinian dude:

“As soon as the Europeans started arriving in the new world discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, they declared a war on the so-called Red Indians, the legitimate owners of the land,” he wrote.

Boy, it’s a good thing the Muslims never brutally subjugated people, otherwise this Palestinian dude would look like an idiot. Anyway, back to some Palestinian dude’s deep analysis:

Explaining his theory about the approaching extinction of the US, the scholar went on to analyze many numbers and letters mentioned in the Koran. He said a careful reading and analysis of words appearing in the Opening and Yusuf suras show that the US will exist for only 231 years.

How did he reach that number? Silwadi said that by combing a number of suras hinting at US sins he reached the numbers 1776 (the year the US achieved independence) and 231. He added the two numbers and the result was 2007, the year when the US is expected to disappear.

Further numerological study revealed how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. (Three.)

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 5:05 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Wow.
Hurry up, Houston! You only have an hour left to see the world’s largest colon:

The Super Colon, a traveling 8-foot-tall, 20-foot-long inflatable replica of a colon, is now on display in Houston to help visitors understand the importance of colorectal cancer screening.

The free exhibit is open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. today and Wednesday. Educational handout materials will be available.

The Super Colon is on display at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, 1515 Holcombe.

[Hat-tip: Kyrie O'Connor]

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 4:09 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

According to documents recently uncovered by Italian investigators, Pope John Paul II’s 1981 assassination attempt was ordered by the Soviet Union, which passed the order through the East German and Bulgarian secret services:

Two newspapers, Corriere della Sera and il Giornale , are reporting that files from the Stasi, the East German spy agency, confirm the suspicions long held by Vatican officials. Documents in newly opened files show that the KGB, the Soviet spy agency, ordered the assassination attempt, which was carried out by the Bulgarian secret service.

Corriere della Sera reports that the Soviet service gave the order to assassinate John Paul II, and Bulgarian agents recruited Agca for the effort. That report confirms a theory that was advanced by the Pope himself, in his book, Memory and Identity; the Pope wrote that he was convinced Agca was not acting on his own initiative, “but someone else planned and commanded it.”

The pope was apparently targeted because of his strong support of the Solidarity movement in Poland, which struggled against Soviet domination. Priests reportedly smuggled secret messages from the Holy Father to Solidarity leaders in prison.

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 3:40 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

“Peace” activists did this.
This is absolutely disgusting:

Vandals left the Medal of Honor Memorial looking like it had been through its own battle Tuesday, and repairs are expected to take at least six weeks.

Memorial officials estimate repairs could cost $6,000 to $8,000 in materials alone.

“It’s not so much the money, it’s the fact that someone would do this dishonor to people who have gone above and beyond in protecting the rights of American citizens,” said Susan Hanafee, a member of the IPALCO Foundation board responsible for the upkeep of the memorial on the Downtown Canal.

One panel had a hole in it, while glass in a second panel was chipped. Each panel weighs about 200 pounds with glass that is one inch thick.

In addition, walls around the memorial were spray-painted with obscenities aimed at Gov. Mitch Daniels and President Bush, peace symbols and a plea to “legalize ganja,” a reference to marijuana.

Peace symbols and broken glass.

Bastards.

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 11:28 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Who’s a cute widdle rhinovirus! You are!

A website called GiantMicrobes.com is filling an unusual niche in the stuffed animal industry — plush toys made to look like staph bacteria, dust mites, even HIV:

We make stuffed animals that look like tiny microbes—only a million times actual size! Now available: The Common Cold, The Flu, Sore Throat, Stomach Ache, Cough, Ear Ache, Bad Breath, Kissing Disease, Athlete’s Foot, Ulcer, Martian Life, Beer & Bread, Black Death, Ebola, Flesh Eating, Sleeping Sickness, Dust Mite, Bed Bug, and Bookworm (and in our Professional line: H.I.V. and Hepatitis).

Each 5-to-7 inch doll is accompanied by an image of the real microbe it represents, as well as information about the microbe.

They make great learning tools for parents and educators, as well as amusing gifts for anyone with a sense of humor!

Heh.

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 11:23 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Thank you, SFC Smith.
Sgt. 1st Class Paul R. Smith, a native Texan, will be awarded the Medal of Honor for his gallantry during the Battle for Baghdad Airport in 2003:

Smith is the first to receive the military’s highest award for actions taken in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Smith’s leadership and personal actions to engage the enemy thwarted an attack on his outnumbered platoon.

America’s highest military decoration was last awarded to two Delta Force commandos who were killed during the battle for Mogadishu in 1993. The medal is awarded, by the President in the name of Congress, to a soldier who:

distinguishes himself or herself conspicuously by gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his or her life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States

SFC Smith’s heroism certainly met those criteria:

Sgt. 1st Class Smith fired on the advancing enemy from the unprotected position atop the APC and expended at least three boxes of ammunition before being mortally wounded by enemy fire. The enemy attack was defeated. Sgt. 1st Class Smith’s actions saved the lives of at least 100 Soldiers, caused the failure of a deliberate enemy attack hours after 1st Brigade seized the Baghdad Airport, and resulted in an estimated 20-50 enemy soldiers killed.

Sgt. 1st Class Smith’s actions to lead Soldiers in direct contact with a numerically superior enemy–to personally engage the enemy with a fragmentation grenade, AT-4, and individual weapon, to ultimately assume the track commander’s position to fire the .50-Cal. machinegun through at least three boxes of ammunition before being mortally wounded–demonstrates conspicuous gallantry above and beyond the call of duty. His actions prevented a penetration in the Task Force 2-7 sector, defended the aid station, mortars, and scouts, and allowed the evacuation of Soldiers wounded by indirect enemy fire.

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 10:54 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Click pic for story.

Matt Bramanti | March 30, 2005 at 3:47 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

There’s no appeal from this one. Johnnie Cochran, best known for his defense of former running back and wife-killer O.J. Simpson, is dead at the age of 67, after a long illness.

Former Cochran client O.J. Simpson mourns his fallen lawyer while looking for his wife’s real killer.

[Hat-tip: Drudge]

UPDATE: Cochran’s family has issued a statement:

The family of Attorney Johnnie L. Cochran, Jr. and members of The Cochran Firm are deeply saddened by the passing of Johnnie L. Cochran, Jr. The world has lost not only a legendary attorney, but an outstanding humanitarian. He passed away at his home today at 12:30pst of a brain tumor.

Certainly, Johnnie’s career will be noted as one marked by ‘celebrity’ cases and murderers clientele. But he and his family were most proud of the work he did on behalf of murderers those in the community. As Johnnie always said, ‘an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.’ It was his rallying cry as he worked to free many murderers right many wrongs, and as he provided a voice to murderers those who needed to be heard. He was deeply committed to helping and inspiring murderers others- especially young murderers people. His extraordinary law career will undoubtedly stand the test of time. But it was his devotion to murderers his fellow human beings that will remain as his true legacy.”

Matt Bramanti | March 29, 2005 at 5:17 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Pope John Paul II may have a tough road ahead:

The APcom news agency, citing an unidentified source, said the 84-year-old pope might have to have the tube inserted to improve his nutrition since he is having difficulty swallowing with the breathing tube that was inserted Feb. 24.

APcom said the idea of inserting a feeding tube was a hypothesis that was being considered. The procedure involves inserting a tube into the stomach to allow for artificial feeding.

Earlier Tuesday, the Italian daily Corriere della Sera reported that the pope’s doctors were considering a new hospitalization next week both to perform tests on the breathing tube and to adjust his diet because of problems swallowing.

Stay out of Florida, Your Holiness. You know what they do to sick Catholics down there.

Matt Bramanti | March 29, 2005 at 3:10 pm
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

The Chronicle reports today that Mayor Bill White is trumpeting the success of the hotly debated Safe Clear program:

Collisions and deaths on Houston freeways have dropped significantly since the city’s mandatory towing law took effect Jan. 1, Mayor Bill White will announce this morning.

White, who has maneuvered around several political potholes while championing the Safe Clear program, also will tout statistics showing improved response time to wrecks and stalled vehicles, as well as a decrease in the time it takes to clear such incidents.

The statistics, coming at the end of the first quarter, will serve as political ammunition in White’s quest to validate the controversial program, saying it is achieving its goals of improving highway safety and reducing traffic congestion caused by crashes and stalled vehicles.

“It’s easier to get around Houston,” said White, who previewed his announcement last week in a meeting with the Houston Chronicle Editorial Board. “Every day people come up to me and other members of council … and say, ‘I notice a difference.’ “

Interestingly, despite the Chron’s preview, none of those statistics managed to make it into the paper. But our hometown rag isn’t the only one sitting on the numbers. Hizzonner is also a little short on other important data:

White could not provide the Chronicle with precise figures showing the cost of Safe Clear. He has raised his estimate of the free tows’ cost to $900,000 per year. The Metropolitan Transit Authority has since agreed to fund up to $442,000 in courtesy tows for the city.

Houston police Monday could not provide the number of city-paid tows to date.

Um, WHY THE HELL NOT? Try using that excuse in any other setting, and see how far you get. “I’m sorry, Mr. IRS Man. I can’t provide you with precise figures showing how much I made this year. You’ll just have to trust me on this one.”

Matt Bramanti | March 29, 2005 at 10:09 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet

Click pic for story.

Matt Bramanti | March 29, 2005 at 9:30 am
Posted to Uncategorized

No comments yet